‘Otherwise I would have ended up under that bridge’

Karin: „My friend Anthoon and I had a dream. We wanted to live self-sufficiently, outside. We like the critters in nature and the critters in the house. And then we sold our house in 2000 and we moved to a house in the thirties on the Veluwe.

“We had our company there, my friend was a graphic designer. We had a vegetable garden, chickens that we slaughtered ourselves. And we had a piece of land, with goats. In the first ten months we still lived in a caravan with the baby during the renovation. My son, the only nice child in the world.

‘I was ‘the wife of’, so to speak. Did the administration and stuff. That was awesome. A lot of people have called me crazy. I did ballet academy and taught for ten years. His company was booming† I quit my job to work for him. Shame that it couldn’t be. I have not changed. We’ve always had fun. At lunchtime we always sat at a large table, with the staff. He cooked very well. My friend was always into the stories.

“Anthoon got cancer in 2011. In April we received the message that it could not be remedied and at the end of July he died. Fortunately not overnight. It can always be worse, huh?

“We had had a dress rehearsal, two years before I had cancer. That was also upside down. We said goodbye very well, done everything for the last time. And looking at each other: is there anything else we need to say? New.”

nettles

Karin: „I now work as a manager of an animal home. I stayed in the Veluwe for another three years for my son, then I filed for bankruptcy. The nettles really got too high. That was terrible. I have moved to Apeldoorn. I had to find work. Teaching was no longer possible, I have two artificial hips. So I started cleaning, doing assembly line work in slaughterhouses. That was painful and heavy. I have had a lot of help from friends and my brother. It takes a village, they sometimes say – well, it really is. I had a friend who worked at the animal shelter. I applied for a position in the secretariat. Then I became a co-manager, and now I’m a manager for 38 hours a week.

“I get up at a quarter to seven. Then Jackie, my dog, and I cuddle for ten minutes. That’s our regular ritual. She came to live with me two years ago. Her breeder got her back. Her genes are fine, but there’s something going on. She goes crazy when the bell rings, when the mail comes, she eats the door. She sleeps with me. Because at night she watches too much.

“I take a cold shower every day. I’ve been doing that for a year now. At first it was terrible, now delicious. It is good for your breathing in stressful situations.

“Then I get dressed, take the dog for a little walk. I go out at eight o’clock. That’s a race against the clock every day. Then I hope to find my car somewhere nearby. And then I go to the office. The dog goes with you.

“I am the sober one in the shelter. I do like animals. But I also really like people. There are people who have lost their dogs, can no longer care for cats. I see a lot of distressing situations. That taught me a lot. A cat is a source of support for someone who has been in debt for a long time.

“I was on the brink of my friend’s death myself, I also received envelopes from the tax authorities, did not open them and had a stomachache. Luckily I had a safety net, someone who said: now you open those envelopes. If you don’t, I’ll come to your house. Otherwise I would have ended up under that bridge too.

“I’ll be ready around five, six o’clock. Then I first go to the park with Jackie after work, have a nice walk. For the head. I cook around seven. I watch little TV. That excites me too much. And I’m actually not very good at all the misery on the news. I sometimes listen to some classical music, read NRC and keep in touch with friends. At a quarter past nine I already start to wind down and I walk the last round with the dog.”

Bad contact

Karin: “Last year I had the illusion that I was going to see my friends more. My friends are very important. And my older brother Frank is indispensable to me. But there is no one I see very much. Everyone knows I’m looking for bad contact. That’s why they contact me, which is really fantastic.

“I thought it was terrible that my son left home about a year and a half ago. I didn’t even tell my friends that my son was moving into rooms. I’m a bit of a loner. At the same time, it’s my worst nightmare to stay alone. I’ve been alone for eleven years now. I’ve had some relationships in between. But I had to get a job and take care of my son, be able to be independent. I didn’t want to be dependent. I managed to do that too.

„If I now consider that I am still alone at seventy-five… I am never bored, you know, but it is lonely sometimes. Because you always have to arrange it. You are never naturally with someone, no matter how many friends you have. I don’t believe in a second Anthoon. That’s not what I’m looking for. A lot has happened and I have grown a lot. But my ‘I’ still exists. And someone else can do that.”

In Rush Hour, couples and singles tell how they combine work and private life. Participate? Mail to [email protected]