While Putin wants to smash our brains into nuclear “at the speed of light”, we in the Netherlands mainly talk about a former football player from Veendam, who jokingly suggested in his talk show that he had seen a drunk, unconscious woman with a large candle fifty years ago. penetrated vaginally.
Within a day, when a lot of criticism arose, he started to downplay his strong pub story, in that the large candle remained a large candle, and the unconscious woman a unconscious woman, but the penetration was replaced by the “perpendicular” fixing the large candle between the woman’s legs at the level of her vagina – if I have understood the position correctly. In explanation, he also explained with some nostalgia that the spirit of “his” time was more tolerant of such behavior than the present one.
Another former football player was sitting at the table doing what he always does when he no longer knows what to say: scream. He also fantasized with tears in his eyes about a big baseball bat instead of that big candle. You could tell he pictured it all: a bat in the vagina. haha!
A day later, this laughing former football player also started to weaken his reaction: he had assumed that his colleague had completely made up his strong story; apparently it is customary for made-up stories to be told in this talk show.
It remained unclear why the made-up story was so hilarious to him and the watered-down story no longer. Could he imagine more with that penetrated vagina than with that somewhat indefinable spot between the legs? It has to be, because it suddenly made him a bit sad and suggested that he leave immediately. The screeching was gone for him. Although no one made an effort to stop him, he remained seated.
Among the furious reactions from the female side, those of two journalists in particular stood out. One woman withdrew as ‘regular table lady’ from this program after a call from a colleague ‘that no guest wants to be a guest in this raunchy program where a rapist gets the laughter on his side’. Apparently she had never experienced the program as “raunchy” before, although it had been discredited many times. Would she still want to join now that the former football player claims that the large candle has only been placed “perpendicularly” between the legs of the unconscious woman?
The other woman is a TV critic by profession, in which capacity she has always praised this talk show as a program that is useful because it appeals to “the underbelly of Dutch society.” It is clear after the episode in question that nothing can be said about this recommendation, at least from a gut-technical point of view.
The question is whether the Dutch underbelly, partly under the influence of these kinds of programs, does not swell and bulge to such an extent that Putin can safely save himself an atomic bomb if he wants to conquer the Netherlands. It could suffice with a good-sized, old-fashioned bomb, if pointed perpendicular and straight to the area below the national navel. I can hear him laughing, maybe howling.
At Talpa, they were “enormous” by the commotion, but the viewing figures were beautiful, and that’s what it’s all about, right?
A version of this article also appeared in the newspaper of April 29, 2022