You think you have found a nice date online and you make a date, but as soon as you open the door things turn out to be wrong. It happened to 55-year-old John from Dongen. He was assaulted on Sunday evening after meeting someone via the gay dating app Grindr. And it’s not the first time an online date has gone wrong.
Several times a year it happens that people fall victim to scammers or abuse during a date. And sometimes it even ends in a gruesome way, like two years ago in Boxmeer. Tonprater Frank Schrijen was then beaten up, robbed and ultimately killed.
“Nowadays, scammers know better and better what works.”
Online dating is very normal these days, but meeting a stranger remains a risk. Especially with Grindr, dating expert Ilse Jespers also sees this. Users can chat there anonymously. That’s nice if someone hasn’t come out yet, but people can also pretend to be something other than they are. “Homosexuality is still not accepted by everyone. People who want evil look for their victims there.”
But things also sometimes go wrong with other apps such as Tinder. According to Ilse, this often involves fraud and robberies. “The most important thing is to trust your intuition,” she says. “If someone wants to meet you very quickly, you have to think about the reason for that. And whether there isn’t something behind that.”
Ilse has her own dating site, Matchmaker Brabant, and she checks the profiles on it every day. “I look at profile photos, email addresses and what people answer to a number of mandatory questions.” Yet she finds it increasingly difficult to remove fake profiles. “For example, it used to be Russian flight attendants, but nowadays scammers are increasingly aware of which photos work.”
“Definitely don’t meet at home the first time.”
According to her, if someone really has the wrong intentions, they can slip through the cracks. That’s why Ilse has a number of tips:
- Video call each other in advance and get to know someone better first. Especially with a one-night stand.
- Google the person you are in contact with. Try to check if name and photos are correct.
- Meet with one person or in equal numbers. Then you are not in the minority.
- Meet in a safe place where there are more people. So not at home the first time.
- Meeting during the day makes you less anonymous and more visible.
- With a video doorbell you can check who is at the door. If you don’t trust it, don’t open it.
- Keep someone informed about your date and where you are meeting. Then you don’t have to say with whom, but share your location.
- Never transfer money. When someone asks for money, it’s not about love.
- If something unexpectedly goes wrong, always report it. This way you may prevent new victims.
Ilse emphasizes that there is nothing wrong with online dating. “It’s a great opportunity to get to know each other. In the pub there could just as well be someone with the wrong intentions,” she says. “But sense whether someone is honest. And if you have doubts, don’t do it (yet).”
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