Negotiate yourself through the holidays unscathed

During the holidays, the Dutchman crams himself into an airplane, car or train, as usual, to relax for a while. The question is whether this so-called ‘coming to rest’ does take place in these situations.

A holiday is an unnatural situation in which people who normally see each other effectively for about two hours a day (read: the family) suddenly have to spend 24/7 with each other. Now is the time to find out why we avoid that constant togetherness for the rest of the year. Highlights include the car ride, the queue at Schiphol or setting up the tent.

Dust for conflict is always there for the taking during holidays, especially away from home. Fortunately, conflict management is a field about which much is now known. Three seasoned negotiators show you how to return unscathed from the battlefield of vacation. For those who have already left, their tips may be like mustard after the meal, but whoever reads this and still has to can really enjoy the holiday with these lessons.

1 Angela Merkel

In her years as Chancellor of Germany, Angela Merkel was one of the most powerful people on the planet. She was known for her vigilant and rational negotiating style. A tactic that can be perfectly applied to defy the social minefield that unfolds during two weeks in the south of France. Within the family, acting impulsively and emotionally is enticing, sometimes unavoidable, but absolutely counterproductive. It is better to curb these excesses by working methodically and on the basis of rational analyses. Explore all options beforehand, prepare decision trees and share them with the family. As befits a good negotiator: preparation is essential.

2 Tony Blair

Former British Prime Minister Tony Blair gained his expertise as a negotiator during peace talks between the United Kingdom and Ireland. His so-called ‘seize on external change’principle is useful in the holiday context. This is about using external forces to disrupt the status quo. For example, if your preschooler or toddler starts crying in a restaurant, use sentences like, “Everyone is looking at you” or “else you’ll be staying with grandma next year.” These have a mute effect on the child, and those present will no longer hate you. It is effective, but should be used in moderation: it loses its power when used too often.

3 Barack Obama

In the article ‘Bargaining with the Devil’ by Robert Mnookin (Harvard) examines former President Barack Obama’s negotiating style in negotiations with the Taliban. Lauded is Obama’s willingness to sit down with anyone, no matter how horrific their actions. This is a wise lesson, especially for the large family holidays. Say goodbye to that frozen conflict of the past and sit down with that quirky brother-in-law or niece. Bury the hatchet and make the holidays less awkward for everyone.