I like to go on long-distance bike rides. My wife prefers to stay at home. In the past I was allowed to go once every three years. Over the years she has become more difficult. Last year I got permission for a three-week trip in Spain. That didn’t happen due to covid. This year she wants nothing to do with it. If I do go, it will be a struggle that will continue for a while after I come back, but which will certainly be settled afterwards. We have been married for 56 years. She is 76 and in good health and I am in good shape and can still handle such a journey. What to do? Man (78), name known to editors
End point
My husband and I solve it like this: if he sails, after a few weeks I fly to a harbor where he moors. When I cycle (last year solo for a month to Italy) he comes to meet me at my final destination. This way we can also celebrate a bit of holiday together and exchange strong stories. Marjorie de Groot-Blok (68), Doorn
Grumpy
I am not at all sporty and my husband is. He also wants to cycle long distances and climb mountains, which made me grumpy. Eventually I stopped going and I was at home worrying. Since the purchase of the electric bicycle we go back together and it is fun again. Mary van den Hoogen-Vijge (63), Pigeons
enjoy at home
Every year I go on a walking tour of 150 to 300 km in Italy. When I get home, my wife and friends enjoy my adventures. Ronald Lange (71), Maastricht
How do you fill it?
Last week in the (hopefully) last physics class of my high school days, our teacher, Mr. Van Wijngaarden, gave one last life lesson. He told a story about an aquarium with tennis balls, gravel, sand, clay and two bottles of beer. The question was when the bin was full, and the clue that the order is very relevant. I think the moral is that in life you should always go after your dreams first, you should spend your time on things that you really want to do. Shall we go into life together like this? Barend Verheul (18), ‘s-Hertogenbosch
My husband knows
In our 50-year marriage I am the one who likes to go out on my bike alone. Saying goodbye is always difficult, but we call each other every day. My husband knows that I am enjoying myself immensely and he also knows that I come home very energetic. Joke Harte-Bosma (70), Hoorn
His lust and his life
My husband went alone for seventeen years, six weeks through France, by bike. He was single. Then he met me, but I wanted him to go, it was his lust and his life. He went and was back in three weeks, couldn’t miss me. Now he can no longer, due to physical problems, but he still enjoys the memories. Health can start playing tricks on you and then it’s too late. So go, the rest will blow over. Virginie Boormans (81), Lelystad
Suite with restaurants
Plan your cycling holiday in such a way that you can spend the weekend in a place that can be reached by public transport, even internationally if necessary. Book a suite with dining in luxury restaurants. Then let her hear your stories from along the way. The best of both worlds, home and away. Hans Daale (73), Borculo
Also plan this for 2023
We have been taking long bike rides together for years. That feels completely different from a day of cycling. So plan a cycling trip before 2023 as well. Does your wife worry about you going alone? Then find a cycling buddy. Agree that you will be in touch every day. She is healthy and will be fine. Jos van de Nieuwenhof (73), Corrie Rot (71) Ravenswoud
embark
You can opt for a holiday where you spend the night on a ship. Your wife then bridges the kilometers on the ship, while you can cycle during the day. You spend the night together on the ship and have dinner and breakfast together. The luggage travels with the ship. In this way, your wife will accompany you on your cycling trip. Marian Art (56), Apeldoorn
In two weeks: Can’t we sleep separately?
My husband and I have been very happy together for over thirty years. For weeks now he has been suffering from heavy coughing at night for weeks and he himself decided to sleep in the guest bed so as not to keep me out of my sleep. He keeps saying he looks so forward to sleeping next to me again, but I find I sleep much better now that I sleep alone. How do we solve this? Woman (59), name known to editors
Our question is: what would you do? Mail your answer (max. 110 words) before Monday 9 May 2022 to: [email protected]. Do you have a dilemma and do you want advice from other readers? Mail your problem (max. 110 words) to: [email protected]. Always state your full name, age and place of residence. The editors reserve the right to shorten contributions.