gDear doctor, my name is Serena, I have an 18 year old son who has a very closed character, he is alone a lot, has no interest, And listlessthe only thing he cares about is stay up late at night surfing the internet, then he would sleep all day, before midday there’s no way to get him out of bed. I am very worried and would like some advice on what to do to wake him up from his dormant existence and also to raise his own self-esteem which I think collapsed in the last few years in the vocational school he couldn’t finish. I’m afraid he won’t be able to do anything useful in his life
Stop worrying, but…
Dear Serena,
The first thing I want to tell you is that you need to stop worrying. Otherwise convey your fears to him and I am convinced that he has had enough of his already. You should try to trust him and his abilities. If he already sees himself as fragile in the world he is afraid of, he puts in place all the defenses to avoid being hurt, he withdraws into himself, he doesn’t go out, he doesn’t do anything constructive for fear of failing.
… Helping teenagers build a project
It would go helped build his life plan. Ask him what his desires are, as well as his fears. Ask him how he sees his future and help him start building it. Make him understand that he won’t be able to live in his room forever by surfing the internet.
As a second thing I would tell you about don’t do things for him, don’t give him ready-to-eat food. Teach him to be independentis the greatest favor we parents can do our children.
teenagers? It takes autonomy and self-confidence
Having self-confidence starts from being autonomous, from the satisfaction of making it. Starting with the little things. Ask him to go shopping and of prepare dinner for the whole family. Then when done thank him and she shows that she is proud of him, and you will see how his self-esteem increases. Following from the other “tasks” to doincreasingly challenging but in any case achievable by him, to ensure that by completing the various actions he feels increasingly confident and self-satisfied.
Adolescents, responsibility and volunteering
Teach him to iron, give him responsibilities, for example ask him to take care of your plants or your dog if you have one, suggest planning the family budget for your next vacation. Teach him how to pay bills, have him create his own resume to start looking for a job, ask him to help his grandparents or other elderly people close to you. Bring it closer to Volunteering. A teenager And happy if he can feel useful. If he manages to make others happy, he also increases his happiness and self-esteem.
Doing pleasant things together
Do pleasant things with him. Propose a trip together (it can also be a day trip to the city closest to you, you don’t necessarily need expensive trips to distant destinations). Watch a comedy movie to have a laugh together. Ask him to tell you what he’s passionate about on the web (without judging!).
Teenagers: why don’t they sleep at night?
Know that in adolescence it is normal to stay awake at night because i changes in heart rhythm in the moment of growth it causes that they cannot fall asleep early in the evening. And given that the age of development requires greater recovery both at the physical level but above all for the brain which has great plasticity at this age, it would be important that adolescents could sleep at least 9 hours at night.
Insomnia and sleep quality
At this stage of their growth the quality of sleep, especially in the final phase of the nightthen towards the morning, it is fundamental.
So in itself it is not harmful that he sleeps in the morning, on the contrary he needs it for his brain and to recover energy, but more than anything else he would need to find something interesting and motivating to do, to want to get up in the morning.
Looking for a passion to realize
To help him build a life path, try to stimulate him to dream and cultivate his passions. What would he like? I am convinced that it has some interest. What did he like to do as a child? Give him confidence so that he can believe in what he wants to do and what he will want to be when he grows up. Encourage him to have goals and want to achieve them, making him understand that it takes determination and commitment, nothing comes for free but it’s the only way that brings us closer to happiness.
Dr. Laura Peltonen.
Who is Dr. Laura Peltonen
«I have a Master’s degree from Luca Stanchieri’s Humanistic Coaching Schoolone of the Italian pioneers of coaching, and a specialization always from the same school in Teen & Parent Coaching».
For contacts: Instagram: ellepi_coaching Facebook: Ellepi Coaching Laura Peltonen, Email [email protected].
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