By Jana Forster
The dark side of lust is also the focus of BZ columnist Jana Förster this week. The sex counselor responds to a letter from a reader who longs to submit to a woman. The problem: he can’t live out this fantasy with his own girlfriend…
Reader Karl writes: “I read your last column with interest and now have a question about the dark side of lust.
I have been living in a harmonious relationship for years and for some time now I have felt the need to submit to a woman during sex. Unfortunately, my partner has no interest in this type of game. Since we have an open relationship, I can sort of look outside of my own four walls to fulfill this fantasy.
But I’m unsure how to do that. I don’t want to spend money on a professional dominatrix. But how else does a man find what he is looking for among people with the same interest? Any tips?”
Sex counselor Jana Förster answers: “The dark side of lust is very tempting, but especially as a newcomer there are a few things to consider that will make it easier for you to get started and find a powerful lady. It is important to find out what kind of lady you are looking for.
For the sake of completeness, I must first mention (which you have already ruled out for yourself) that the first route often leads to a professional dominatrix in the studio. Most want to test their imagination with an experienced lady, which makes it easier to get started and quickly find out your own limits.
Tip: Many studio dominatrixes go about their work with passion and conviction. However, although they are paid for it, expect a certain obedience and submissive behavior from the slave. So always show a lot of respect and really hand over control to them, even though you have in mind that you are the paying customer and therefore at least have the financial ‘power’.
Many slaves find that there is not enough bond between slave and mistress in the studio, but mostly this is more due to the behavior of the slave. So, if you do decide to take this step, give it your all. Advantage: a lot of experience, a lot of equipment, quick availability, anonymity. Disadvantage: high costs, often less commitment.
How to find studio dominatrixes
This is probably the easiest task, because this is done via bookings and relevant sites on the Internet.
Furthermore, the Internet offers a completely new possibility: cyber dominance. Whether over the phone or via chats, everyone can gain initial experience online, especially at the beginning. A lot of trust is not only required from the potential slave here. The cyber dominance must also be able to trust that their requirements and tasks will be fulfilled conscientiously. Many private realdominas get to know their slaves online.
Advantage: Anonymity, low price, mostly in the form of gifts (which, by the way, every slave should give!), quick availability over the phone and support in everyday life, commitment. A private femdom contact can grow out of it. Disadvantage: private, real contact is usually not desired at first, and that has to be respected.
How to find cyberdominas
Many slaves search on social media and approach women through very respectful and submissive contact. Or on relevant dating portals or slaves / dominatrix platforms. The internet offers many possibilities.
Another variant is the private femdom and for many submissives the crowning glory. Above all, meeting someone privately requires patience and sensitivity. She enjoys dominating and it is important to be open to the Mistress’ desires and preferences. Here, too, the chemistry of getting to know each other should show whether the preferences fit.
There are mistresses who love verbal dominance, however, these are less physically dominating and you will rarely see them whip-wielding. Fetish mistresses often want to dominate in relation to a material or a body region and live out their own lust. And/or there are femdoms who love corporal punishment and want to redefine the limits of the slave.
So feel free to look inside and see what suits you best. Advantage: high level of loyalty, great fulfillment on both sides, lots of potential for experiments and slowly approaching new things. Disadvantage: hard to find, a lot of commitment and private contact, not anonymous.
How to find private femdoms
The Internet offers numerous possibilities on relevant sites (sexually oriented dating platforms or direct slave/dominate exchanges). I also strongly recommend going to special parties or clubs that offer SM nights.
Another important point: No matter what you feel like exploring the dark side of lust, most of the time, intercourse is not a part of the relationship. The lust is acted out on a mental, powerful and submissive level. Maybe your own partner would like to role-play after all?
Because: There is a little dominatrix in almost every woman … She just has to be woken up.”