“My in-laws force the faith on me and my children”

“My boyfriend and I have been together for six years and have two young children. When I got pregnant with our first, we hadn’t been together for a year. An accident, but very welcome. We accepted it right away, but my in-laws had more trouble with it. They are religious and would rather have seen their son get married before he started living together and having children. Now that wedding is finally coming, but they have one requirement: they want us to get married in church.

Getting married in church

I don’t like this at all, because I have nothing to do with religion. My friend is somewhere in between. He was raised Catholic by his parents, but nowadays he no longer does anything with his faith. He doesn’t have to get married in church, but he doesn’t want to disappoint his parents either.

Disappointment

I’ve made it clear that I’d rather not get married in church, and that I already have other locations in mind. My mother-in-law was offended. She said she would be very sorry. After all, faith is very important to them, and if their son doesn’t get married in church, then this is a huge disappointment, says my dramatic mother-in-law.

I think she’s unlucky. I’m not going to let my in-laws dictate what my big day looks like. For me, this would really ruin the wedding.

Children

In addition, something else bothers me: my in-laws try to impose the faith on our children. For example, we have already had our children baptized at their request. They also gave my oldest son a children’s Bible. At Christmas or Easter, my mother-in-law likes to tell in scents and colors about the Bible stories related to these holidays. That’s fine in itself, but I recently heard her say that dinosaurs never existed. She doesn’t believe in the big bang, but in Adam and Eve. Situations like that make me bloody close. We have chosen not to raise our children in faith, but my mother-in-law doesn’t care about that.

the bogeyman

Whenever I bring this up with them, my mother-in-law reacts annoyed. She accuses me of ‘that things haven’t gone the way she had envisioned’. She then refers to the fact that we had children soon, and before the marriage. In the eyes of my in-laws, I will always be the bogeyman who was responsible for that.

My friend stands between us and wants to keep the sweet peace. We sometimes argue about that. I’d rather he say to his parents, ‘Nienke doesn’t want to get married in church, so it won’t happen’, but he doesn’t. I’m afraid I’m really going to lose out when it comes to our wedding.”

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