bhello, I’m Sara’s mom who turns 18 this summer. We are in perpetual conflict about his choices. It seems that he deliberately does not follow my recommendations. She is good at school so I would see her well at university, I don’t care if the faculty is economics or engineering or medicine, the important thing is that she chooses a good education that can guarantee her work. But she got it into her head instead wants to become a model/influencer! And there’s no way to reason with her. Plus she insists on going on an adventure trip with her friends this summer, and I totally disagree. We discuss it every night now. How do I get it right?
Sarah’s mom
Moms of teenagers and control
Dear Mom of Sara, I understand your frustration. You have imagined, with great love, a certain future for your daughter, but she does nothing to continue that road that you see as perfect for her. You are disappointed and also angry. But know that it is absolutely normal for our children to make decisions and make choices that we do not share. We we cannot have everything under our controlwe must learn to accept this fact.
Teenagers: why don’t they listen to us?
They don’t do it on purpose to ignore us, they do it because they follow what they think is right for them. More than “make us listen to it”, the our job as a parent consists in accompanying them, supporting them in their decisions and also in thehelp them learn from their choicesstrictly without judging them. If your daughter wants to become a model, if it is her desire, you should consider accompanying her on her path. If you really don’t agree, you can try to explain your reasons, making her understand why you don’t agree, and you could evaluate the various pros and cons together, but you should leave the final choice to her.
The final decision is up to her, who is 18 years old
It is important that she can make her own decision and make his choice for his life. Be ready to support her, show that you are there, that you are by his side whatever your choice will be. Encourage her and encourage her to follow her dream, instead of expecting her to follow your dream, which won’t guarantee her a certain job anyway. Then it is said that after having tried to be a model she does not change her mind and decides to go to university. There’s also no harm in taking a gap year after high school, before deciding what you want to do next. Perhaps she will need a break from the study, to clarify her ideas about her. Then she will see herself, she will be able to become a top model, or decide to go back to study. Not because you want it, but because she wants it.
Step back
Let’s remember that our children are not extensions of our lives. They didn’t come into the world to make our dreams maybe left in the drawer come true. They are people in themselves, individuals with their own thoughts, dreams, feelings, which are not necessarily in line with ours. Dear mother of Sarah, you listened 100% to your parents? And if so, did you do it to please them, or would it have been your choice anyway? And if she was just listening to him, how did you feel? Are you happy you chose what they told you? Or would you have made different choices if it were possible?
We cannot control everything our children do, or protect them from all harm. We must learn to trust their choices, their ability to make decisions. It is good to make them understand, with our life experience, that there are various dangers, but we must let them have their own experiences and also the possibility of making mistakes.
Help her deal with dreams with the necessary precautions
We have to let them go, let them explore the world. So also for the journey that Sara will want to make, try not to be against explain the dangers, help her to face the journey with the necessary precautionsbut be happy for her. If you’re happy for her, she’ll be more likely to listen to your suggestions too. If, on the other hand, you try to prevent her, she won’t listen to you and will risk encountering unpleasant situations that could perhaps be avoided by accepting her mother’s thoughtful advice. Advice that does not prevent her from leaving, but which is accompanied by a sincere wish that your trip will be a wonderful experience of world discoveries.
Read all the articles about Laura Peltonen’s adolescence here
Dr. Laura Peltonen.
Who is Dr. Laura Peltonen
«I have a Master’s degree from Luca Stanchieri’s Humanistic Coaching Schoolone of the Italian pioneers of coaching, and a specialization always from the same school in Teen & Parent Coaching».
For contacts: Instagram: ellepi_coaching Facebook: Ellepi Coaching Laura Peltonen, Email [email protected].
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