“My husband did something stupid. In a period when he had lost his job and we had a lot of large expenses in the meantime, he teamed up with a bad friend from the past.
I’d rather not tell what he did, because I’m afraid it will become too recognizable otherwise. At least there was no violence involved. End of the song: he was jailed for eight months. Rightly so.
That’s how he feels about it himself; he made a big mistake and now he must be on the blisters. But he is ashamed. And especially because of our boys aged 6 and 4. For them he is a hero. They look up to him a lot.
That’s why we decided not to tell you Dad is in jail. He’s had it for three months now, but they think he’s abroad for work. We’ve asked our mutual parents and siblings to go along with this, and luckily they understand.
Except my sister. He believes that the children should simply know what their father has done, because they can learn from it. And she’s afraid they’ll hear it from a stranger later, and we’ll be even further from home. But I think they are just too young.
I don’t think you should bother a 4 year old with something so difficult. What is a child supposed to do with that? That only gives bad dreams, doesn’t it? Now they just think Dad is in a warm country to make beautiful buildings there. And that, of course, he misses them incredibly, but luckily he can talk to them every now and then. That sometimes leads to difficult questions; the kids can’t just get him on the phone, of course.
They didn’t understand at first, that they couldn’t reach him on his cell phone. But then I would just say that because of the time difference he can’t always answer, or that he doesn’t always have reception and that it is therefore better if he calls them. I find it difficult to lie to my children, but there is no other option.
My husband also finds it hard to call from prison, he quickly becomes emotional. He is big with the boys, but when I come to visit him, he tells me that he feels so guilty because he can’t be with the children because of his stupid action.
I get that, yes. But I try to look ahead. Done things don’t take time…
We have agreed that we will tell them the truth as soon as the oldest starts high school. Then it will be a thing of the past for all of us and the children will be at an age that they can really do something with it. They can also talk about it with us or with someone else if they wish.
Until then, I’ll just have to keep up appearances and be alone with the boys on their birthdays. Without their daddy who is then alone in the cell. I can’t even think about it, it’s too painful. But I take comfort in the thought that after that he will be with us again and that we can start again. With a clean slate…”
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