Morgan-Mae Bibo (25) writes book about suicidality: ‘It’s okay if your life is a six’ | Healthy

The number of young people up to the age of 30 who died by suicide was 15 percent higher in the past year than in previous years. The number of suicides has increased, especially among young people between the ages of 20 and 30, according to figures from the Current Dutch Suicide Registration Committee (Cans).

Morgan-Mae Bibo became depressed in high school. When her father showed her the door when she was thirteen and she had to deal with death and loss, she felt increasingly lonely. Her family was in mourning, which left her feeling like she had no one to turn to. She started self-harming when she was 14 to distance herself from her pain. Later in life, she made several suicide attempts. Now life is better for her: ,,I’m not completely better yet, but I want to live now. And I am willing to take steps to make that possible.”

How do you live on after a suicide attempt?
She tells her story through main character Kim. A twenty-something struggling with life who wakes up on the first page of the book in a medical-psychiatric ward of a hospital after attempting suicide. After a day and a half she is back home, and she has to get on with her life. How do you do that?

The young writer herself made several suicide attempts and encountered incomprehension in her environment: “It is important to know that it is not always a voluntary choice when you try to end your life. I wanted to live, but I couldn’t. The moment you decide to step out of life, you want peace of mind from negative thoughts in your head. Depressed people are not weak; they have a fierce inner battle every day.”

Floortje Schepers, Professor of Mental Health Innovation and psychiatrist at UMC Utrecht, applauds that Bibo makes mental health a topic for discussion: “Young people are either successful and show it on Instagram with a slick photo report, or they are depressed and sometimes even show pictures of how they damage themselves. That black and white mentality has to change. Young people need to talk to each other about adversity and grief.”

Bibo’s mental health issues stemmed from the feeling that she should have a perfect life. She was insecure about herself and the future and lonely in a big city: ,,I’m learning now that it’s okay if your life is a six. And that’s what I want to tell young people: you’re not crazy if you feel gloomy or don’t like life. Talk about it and seek help: call your doctor or go to someone you trust; a teacher or sports coach.”

She herself had a teacher at secondary school who she could turn to: ,,I often visited her and that was nice. I didn’t talk. She talked to me, and I listened.” Also in therapy it was difficult for Bibo to talk about her experiences, emotions and thoughts: ,,If talking doesn’t work, find another way to express yourself. Write, draw, paint, make music. Make sure you don’t just keep your thoughts in your head.”

Despite her mental health problems, Bibo graduated last year. Such a transition from a student life to a new future is difficult for many young people. Writing helped to fill her days: ,,I had something to do. I sat down every day, whether I felt like it or not. It’s nice to create something, it makes you feel better about yourself.” Publisher Sterk door Werk emphasizes that work promotes recovery for people with a psychological vulnerability.

Foggy reads like a train and, despite the heavy subject, is airy and written with humor: Kim comes home after her attempt and recording, orders a pizza, makes a shopping list and looks at a rombowl. Bibo: ,,People who suffer from suicidality walk down the street, go shopping and watch movies. They don’t lie under a blanket with the light off all day; I think that’s important to say.”

She hopes her novel will become required reading in high schools because it could have helped her read about depression and suicide at a young age. She cautiously dares to dream a little about her future: she continues to write and wants to live on a bus one day. But before that happens, she hopes to reach many young people with her book. In the coming period she will give lectures at schools, in walk-in centers and in treatment centers to talk to young people and the people in their environment.