Monkeys live in India. They’ve been doing that for a long time, probably longer than ground cinnamon or lentil soup has been made.
They have certainly lived there longer than cars drive and Coke is drunk, but because those cars and Coke have arrived anyway, the monkeys now live in the midst of Coke and cars and, above all, among millions of people. Those people sometimes find the monkeys sacred, sometimes cute, but just as annoying as hell.
The G20 summit will be held in New Delhi next week. That means that private jets from all over the world fly to the Indian capital, where world leaders come from who have to walk a short distance from plane to car and from car to hotel. The city council is terrified that one of those world leaders, Macron or Biden or Erdogan, is jumped by a monkey during such a walk. Because what if such a monkey bites one of those important noses? Or steal a state secret from a shirt pocket? To prevent this, about forty ‘monkey men’ are deployed who are tasked with imitating the cry of the langur monkey, the natural enemy of the nuisance rhesus monkeys, as closely as possible.
I do understand it. I understand that a mayor doesn’t want a monkey molesting a flower bed when the whole world is watching. And I understand that as mayor you experience a mixture of pride and reassurance when you see your class of men frantically practicing monkey sounds. But the G20 summit is about how the world should move forward. And by banning monkeys from the G20 summit, you considerably limit the possibility of an accidental good outcome for that world.
Xi Jinping is sleeping. It’s hot in New Delhi, he has the balcony doors open, he trusts his guards who have the entire complex under surveillance. Suddenly a monkey invades his room. The monkey is carrying a small Russian flag, probably stolen from the conference center, and he holds onto that flag as he begins to urinate in Xi Jinping’s suitcase. Xi Jinping wakes up at the sound, sees the monkey, takes it for a dream image, a dream image that annoys him, and grumpy, he falls asleep again. The next day he has forgotten about the dream, but smells dried monkey piss in his shirt and is much less inclined to save Russia from unpleasant sanctions.
Pieter Omtzigt’s position within the CDA became untenable because scout Kajsa Ollongren contracted corona and did not properly protect her notes when she stormed out, and by that coincidence Omtzigt may now become prime minister. Newton discovered gravity through a falling apple, Percy Spencer invented the microwave after accidentally melting his chocolate bar. Chance has often changed the course of the world. So why restrict chance so rigorously, when we need it more than ever? The good ending of the world is one chance monkey visit away from us.