Tools for difficult conversations
Difficult conversations are those that are difficult for us for some reason. It could be giving negative feedback to a collaborator, asking for a salary increase, talking to our children about a topic that makes us uncomfortable, or something harsh with our partner. A useful tool is the so-called Indicators. They are actually useful in any conversation. The indicators guide us and allow us to know if we are facing a path that increases tension and makes the conversation even more complex. Indicators are a concept applicable in professional practice such as in communication, negotiation, coaching, feedback, team meetings or family courses.
There are three indicators. 1.The cognitive indicator That’s when I realize I’m about to say something inconvenient. It’s like a light bulb goes on! Oh, if I say this I can “screw up”! I remember one of my teachers in conversational tools saying. Pay attention to when you are about to screw up and if you have already screwed up, how do you get it out. Simple words that guided me through difficult conversations! 2.The second is the observable indicator. I observe the body language of the interlocutor, their gestures, tone of voice, the expressions on their face. The latter are called micro behaviors and we see it in the coloring of the face, if it blushes or turns pale, a slight smile or a grim gesture. If you tense your cheekbones. In other words, it refers to the fact that the smallest expressions give a lot of information since they accompany thought. Emotions are expressed through the body so these indicators are a valuable source of information.3. And the third indicator is the sensory or kinesthetic. We feel it in the body. If the conversation becomes harsh, we may feel tension in the back of our neck, or in the pit of our stomach. Some people report that their hands sweat or they feel a lump in their throat or tachycardia. When I learned that I could feel the tension in a conversation in my body, it was a discovery that helped me a lot. That is why I transmit it to you, since it may be that once you have this distinction, you can register it in yourself. And what is the use? They are very valuable to guide us in a conversation whether we want to raise the tension to produce a change or to guide us towards a constructive conversation.
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