An invitation to a party. What do you give as a gift? What is actually normal to spend on a gift and is giving money’not done† And what should you not come up with? Two etiquette experts share their experiences.
In spring, especially now that corona no longer stops us, it is bursting with parties. Anne-Marie van Leggelo of Het Etiquette Bureau agrees: “Not only are many people celebrating their birthday during this period, but there is currently a baby boom and an explosion of bachelor parties and weddings. If you’re not careful, you’ll pay your squint in gifts.”
1. How much money do you spend on a gift?
What is customary to spend on a gift depends on what you have to spend, the occasion and the relationship you have with the person. According to etiquette expert Beatrijs Ritsema, it is normal for birthdays to spend ten euros on a gift for children and 15 euros for people over eighteen. “But it is not a law of the Medes and Persians,” she adds.
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The older generation usually finds it impossible, but for teenagers’ birthdays it is often: the more, the better
Or give money as a gift’not done‘, also depends on the wishes of the recipient, Ritsema believes: ‘The older generation usually finds it impossible, but for teenagers’ birthdays it is often: the more, the better. Money itself is a poor gift. Boring and there is a danger that it will disappear in the wallet and the day after it will be consumed on an ounce of young cheese. That’s not the point of a birthday present. Even a receipt is better than money.”
Nevertheless, money is regularly asked for, as is the case with marriages. What should be used as a guideline there? “If a colleague gets married, 20 to 40 euros is a guideline, for a family member or friend between 40 and 60 euros is usual and for a very good friend over 50, often 100 euros,” says Van Leggelo.
2. What do you give if there are no wishes?
Van Leggelo: ,,The presentation is more important than the amount you spend. Give it attention. Crumpled or broken wrapping paper looks quite unsympathetic. Do you really know nothing to give? Buy a beautiful card and write on it: my gift is that I would love to take you to lunch or to a beauty salon, so that you can make a beautiful memory together. Then you should do it, come back quickly and set a date. An experience is a great gift.”
And what is never a good idea to give as a gift? Ritsema: ,,Never give a gift that moves; no puppies or kittens or fish in an aquarium. Avoid educational gifts: a gym subscription, a weight loss book, a Japanese course. However well-intentioned, it comes across as pedantic. And don’t give gifts you can’t get rid of. It has to fit in a drawer, because with a gift you should be able to do whatever you want. So a sculpture or a painting measuring one and a half by two is not a good idea, it will also stand out if you don’t put it down.”
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In general, you split the bill fairly between everyone. It’s a bit strange if one contributes 6 euros and the other 40
3. How do you determine the deposit of a group gift?
Now that we all have a Tikkie app on our smartphone, it is easier to choose a joint gift and pay for it with a group. This way you can give a bigger gift. But not everyone has the same wallet. Is it always important for a group gift that everyone contributes equally or is everyone allowed to determine that amount themselves?
Ritsema: ,,In general, you split the bill fairly between everyone. It is a bit strange if one person contributes 6 euros and the other 40. Unless it is a lot of money, then you can say: I think 25 euros is enough. It is always a free choice, any amount is voluntary. Then you can choose together to go for a cheaper gift. Or you say that you would rather not participate in the group gift and give something that is affordable for you.”
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