Sit is often believed that love, once a “certain age” has passed, is out of the question. Mistake. Whether you are divorced or widowed or simply have collected a series of unedifying stories, It’s always the right age to find the “right person”. Word of an expert.
Love over 60, the desire to fall in love even if you are no longer young
Love at a “certain age” has always been an object of study. In fact, if it is a common opinion that meeting a new person after the age of 50 is very difficult, science instead says just the opposite. A study published last October on Taylor and Francis highlighted two typical problems of this age: on the one hand the the need to be loved and to love, on the other the social stigma of being ashamed of still talking about certain topics. An attitude that leads to a sense of frustration and the lack of satisfaction of some of one’s needs, including sexual ones.
It is therefore no coincidence that the pharmaceutical world but also dating apps are taking an interest in this age group. Highlighting obvious differences compared to when you are younger: «The first difference compared to when you are younger? Now the aim is to look for someone with whom to share moments, interests and values. If a relationship at any age should already be enriching, this is fundamental for those over 60 for whom a story should be based a lot on communication and comfort” he explains Carolina Traverso, psychologist and psychotherapist.
What changes in love over 60?
If it is true that love can occur at any age, it is equally true that it is not always the same. Once over 60, some different factors must be taken into account compared to a younger love: «Surely there is first of all a greater awareness thanks to a greater experiential baggage and, sometimes, to a heavy load. There are those who have one or more divorces behind them, some a loss, some a series of tormented or unfulfilling relationships. It’s a time when you no longer focus on building a family, usually even work takes on a different weight».
So what are you looking for at this age? «Definitely, just like when you are younger, a partner with whom you can share same values. But above all also the same interests. It is no coincidence that many people often meet during free time, for example in a dance hall or during a book club. Furthermore, the focus is on a person with whom communication is easy, enriching and cheerful and you can feel good together without drama.” In this sense, therefore, love at this age is wiser and more aware and it comes from self-awareness but also from the baggage of previous stories: the ideas are clearer and it is based a lot on affinities.
The freedom of love over 60
Not only that, but once you are over 60, love also becomes freer from conventions: «For example, you can decide to get married instead of living together, or even to live in two separate houses. To have sex continuously or little, without worrying too much about what others might think” explains the psychotherapist.
Not only that, but as the expert points out, at this age there is also the freedom to meet new people without the anxiety of considering them only as potential partners: «Even after the age of 60 you can resort to online dating, for which it is advisable to have a good dose of patience and a sense of humour. Or, thanks to social media, you can propose a coffee to someone you met on Facebook or Instagram, as well as reconnect with an old classmate without the worry that it is necessarily a hypothetical partner. Maybe instead it turns into a beautiful friendship.”
Overcoming your fears to meet a new love
Is everything so easy in love over 60? «It’s easier from some points of view, less so from others. For example, overcoming a loss it’s difficult to get back into the game and leave your comfort zone. At this point, one could exchange the past with destiny, believe that the events that have punctuated a sentimental story will always repeat themselves and perceive, consequently, a sort of tiredness that leads to renunciation. In other words, you might feel a strong desire to throw in the towel and remain in a sort of glass bell jarsafe from the risk of being hurt or disappointed again.”
So how to get out of the situation? «The same considerations that could be made at other ages apply, namely to make room for love you must first make peace with your relationship and sentimental history, especially when there are still open wounds, so that the pain stops clouding our vision” concludes the expert.
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