C.Ara Esther,
what happened to me From 18 to 54 years old, thanks to a remarkable and lasting beauty of body and mind, I was able spend my life first seducing and then chasing throngs of men. I have lived through everything, even some parentheses of normality, like some boyfriend, a husband, too normal to last. The reasons for this failure I have investigated with twenty years of Jungian analysis and in the meantime buffered with long courses of antidepressants, but in the end I made my peace. Maybe too much.
I just believe that the sentimental one is a field in which I cannot. Then, in a very difficult moment in which I caressed the insane gesture, eh I know how trivial … I recovered from a dark corner of my memory the first, true, very strong, frustrated desire I had as a child. A dog. Seeing her and wanting her that cold January six years ago at the kennel was a flash. We are now a couple. It saturates all my exaggerated need to give, which has hurt me so much with men, and there are aspects of sensuality that are absolutely negligible: it is a body that I adore. It is coexistence, with rites and quarrels. I experience a sense of fulfillment that keeps me away from maleswhich I look dismayed as you do with those biscuits that there were no others and then not even the smell anymore.
It is not a question of hormones, I make up for it, nor does it seem to me a way to repair ourselves, after all I know that a love relationship would do me good if only because I live without a family network and that friend is tight. It is sluggish. I get tired just thinking of everything between the first whatsapp and the lovely flat calm of a rainy afternoon. Meanwhile, the usual married people come around, more young than me: comfortable as a ram in July. What happened to me? And above all, how do I get out of it?
Hello and always thanks.
M.
Dear M.,
Nothing happened. In no pain and no boredom you are original. It’s so common that too, feeling uncut. I don’t know how to deal with love. Find it, keep it, make it grow, restart it, don’t lose heart and try again. It is understood that at some point the human athlete gives up. The doctor didn’t order you to find company.
Affection for animals, you say. One can also change the article, of course. It is the most unconditional and easiest love. Other accounts are made with Christians. Action (I give you everything) and reaction (I give you everything back) do not proceed automatically. Indeed, the more you get slapped, this often happens, if you don’t pay attention to it. Ugly beasts, we humans.
Of course, one could feel bad after self-diagnosis of incapacity. However, if you still have the practical sense of looking around and comparing yourself, you see that those capable do not exist. Sparkling couples fall apartas you will have seen, mostly she stays to look after the children, he goes to other lands, greener and more carefree.
On the other hand, no one knows what holds together those who are together. It is that, an after and not a before, that has what it takes to be called love. Then: never believe those who let it be understood – from Instagram, from dinners with friends in which they flaunt extreme harmony, from the three children they had – that they are an exception. We are all comrades in the lands of compromise, nobody runs away.
You are now as you are in that phrase by Céline delle Letters to friends: love or not love matters little, what matters is to live suffering as little as possible.
The last gate is missing, M. Tiredness. That’s where you haven’t arrived yet.
I got tired of being alone. It happens one morning. It’s a switch, a flash of electricity, an egg hatch. A wave of concreteness crosses your thoughts. Now I decide how to fall in love. And you do.
“Resign” is a word to be a little aware of, it at least presupposes a disaster, on the other hand. What should you resign yourself to? Is the problem not meeting enough people? It is not possible. Not in 2022. There is the classic method: get dressed and go out every night. Friends of friends of friends. Or take the dog to the park.
Don’t feel like getting dressed? Give social media a try. There are a hundred of them. If you are lucky you find someone, if not you understand something. Maybe where is the mistake that makes you stay at the point “how is it that never proceeds?”.
Finding a person is within anyone’s reach – if that’s what you want and you feel life interrupted by that lack – a little bit of competitive persistence is enough. Millions of people in love, or almost in love, or half in love, or together out of convenience out of necessity or out of desperation, in short, all those who have decided to plan double, out there, cannot be wrong.
I must have written it a hundred times, so I don’t see why not put it back here the one hundred and one, my favorite quote, always from that beautiful booklet by Céline:
Dear N.,
She has many attractive qualities, as well as a magnificent and unforgettable Popo. But she has to become more concrete and ambitious. Thinking about the future. In short, she must reorganize her life, on utilitarian principles. It is not pleasant I know. But even sadder is finding yourself without youth or people or money.
Don’t forget my little advice. “Know exactly what you want”. It is an excellent remedy. One loses years and years and very often one’s entire life due to vague ideas, confused impulses, useless attempts. She has everything to do it, she must get out of misery and confusion as soon as possible. You have a strong constitution – a good nervous system – will go a long way if you stay strictly positive. It is not made for the Dostoevsky adventure. Leave it to the truly morbid. When you build, be firm. You don’t tell – FACE – you never talk about her past again… – In short, she’s doing very well. Good
Its very fond of
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