C.ara Ester, I am S.
I am writing to you after yet another disappointment in love in which I placed all my hopes as a girl of almost 26 years of Red Cross temperament.
I am the bed friend of a man who has been engaged for 3 years, whom I don’t love but aware of having a bond of emotional dependence, since he was the first man to notice me, (not even my father has ever noticed me).
I am not writing to tell you this story but to find in your answer the hope that there may be love for a very insecure and very, perhaps too, romantic girl.
I start acquaintances with guys who do not want to bond with me and as a Red Cross nurse I am satisfied, hoping to be the girl who can change their mind, I get treated badly and I show a part of me that I do not like.
The mask of a girl who pretends to want lightness but who in reality cannot love herself.
And how does it end every time?
It ends with the floor plan and anger in front of an unanswered viewer, with feelings of guilt and a perennial feeling of feeling wrong and not worthy of love.
Now I am trying, with a psychological therapy job, to strengthen myself and love myself but …
Is there still hope that a Red Cross nurse can become that soldier who wins the battle?
Ester Viola’s answer
Dear, dear S., first the numbers.
26 years. Twenty-six-years. Let’s start by saying that you are young and you have ample delegation to attempt, rectius: to bullshit. That the twenty years are dedicated to every foolishness available, all the most stupid couplings are experimented, we fall in love with artists, writers, sarratori. We choose people without direction, unresolved and maybe already committed, we know them well. He squandered every last penny of dignity. So around thirty you have clearer ideas to turn to the good party. Meaning by good luck: person of kind ways who cares about you with facts.
Here is the review, which is repeated every so often, of the loves available in the shop. He begins to consider that you are not the red cross, the problem is half on the other side.
1) Love in support: married, perhaps with children
When love finds its place in an objective structure (marriage and family) it is to make escape almost impossible for the participants. Very rare are the cases in which the male leaves the tribe for third party feelings. I am talking about male because in this context patriarchal leprosy is not eradicable: it is almost always the husband’s prerogative to remove the children from the hunchback and make the fuitina with a younger / more beautiful / lighter company.
In short, better resign yourself: the lover is made mainly for life. You will be adored and often distant. Which is not a bad compromise. If you do not have the kind of bourgeois character that becomes sad when you meet only on Saturdays, at Christmas and August, it is not a despicable solution.
2) Love from a distance
We already said. I speak for empirical certainties, but only because I have them. I was twenty, I tried the feat, a waste of weeks, months and then entire calendars. And I won, and there was little to brag about. The deity told me of the (not so) great secret: the people at a distance that you liked so much was because you saw little of them.
Ask who took two, three, ten years. Everyone mourns the years thrown away, none the great love. Something will mean. For each “How would it be?” in the feelings area, the answer is always “Nothing special”.
3) Love with the ailments to be treated
It’s not a girl’s back job, you need a doctor. Even the red cross has to surrender at some point.
4) Complex love.
We are incompatible but perfect, everyone who knows us says that we will end up together. And they are wrong.
5) Love to long goodbyes.
Then we get back together, we always know it’s not really the last time. I know people who complain in the manner of Bridget Jones and she is in her fifties.
6) Love only written
It is disease.
7) Love by elective affinities
Having the same libraries, checking the same sites on google in the morning, watching TV series with great harmony, what does that mean? Not much. Not even children keep people together, let alone interests.
The matter, S., will be resolved by exhaustion. After a number of rip-offs, whether you are an Amazon or a nurse, you get to the bottom of the barrel. Which is not bad, actually. The bottom bears: “Who am I and what do I want to do with me”.
You, S., not him. That is the center of things.
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