Love: finished relationship, how to manage it and how to behave

Pit may happen that the love stories endno. You go through a moment of crisis which, slowly but surely, grows so much that it can no longer be resolved by both. But how to handle the situation?

Love: is a relationship over when you no longer communicate?

What is the first sign that a couple’s relationship has gone into crisis? «The signs of a relationship in crisis are manifested above all with the difficulty of communication and the loss of trusttwo factors that erode intimacy, mutual support and a shared vision of the future» he explains Carolina Traverso, psychologist and psychotherapist who continues «When these two factors arise and both partners, or even just one, begin to believe that the situation cannot be fixed, there is a crisis».

The difficulty of communication is in fact the first sign evident of a problem between two people, is the classic “We don’t understand each other anymore”: «It can present itself with frequent quarrels in which the conflicts are not resolved or in any case it is not possible to come to terms. But they can also take the form of silence which, contrary to what is believed, is not necessarily the sign that there is nothing more to say to each other, but in fact it is often the opposite». Silence can also indicate that there would be a lot to talk about but you don’t do it for fear of arguing or not understanding each other.

Another element to pay attention to is what we are talking about: «The presence of superficial conversations or discussions that keep repeating themselves in the same way. It’s as if the two people are always saying the same things to each other, on the same subjects, to the point that both partners could claim to know exactly what the other is going to say».

A relationship is over when trust is lacking

It is the second piece that indicates the crisis of a couple: the lack of trustwhich can tie into very little communication in a lethal mix that leads both partners to perch on their own ideas, thinking they are not understood. The situation is therefore stalemate and stagnates.

Why does this happen? «Basically because you begin to think that your partner is no longer reliable. The moment when you lose faith in that the other person can change is the most dangerous moment because it leads to a progressive disinvestment from the relationship, with loss of emotional, if not sexual, intimacy and the desire to continue dreaming of a future together, which is an important index of a couple that works at any age”.

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How to behave in these cases?

“Let’s start at the end. The only criterion for telling that a relationship is truly over is when an or both people involved decide that there is nothing more they can do to save her. Before that you can try everything».

However, the important thing is to make a decision because a stalemate can last for years: fear of making the wrong decision or fear of how the other person will react can freeze the situation. «Trying everything to save the couple is the first step to have no regrets in the future. It could mean going to psychotherapy on its own, in order to change some habits that we recognize as harmful to the relationship with our partner and to ourselves, or deciding, together, to undertake couple therapy. If, after all the attempts made, one is convinced that it is really the case to close, it is good to know that it will be painful for everyone ».

How do you handle a breakup? “First of all they start the speech as ‘I…’ which indicates the assumption of one’s responsibilities, unlike the “You…” which often leads to recriminations. For example, saying, “I feel like this relationship has no future” is very different from, “You did nothing to save it.” Or: “I feel that we just can’t communicate anymore” is very different from: “You don’t listen to me anymore”. And ‘I’m hurt by some things that have happened’ is different from ‘You’ve done some terrible things’.”

Holding back from picking on your partner helps both of you understand the situation better and above all the reason why you can’t be together anymore. Which then leads to moving forward, to closing a relationship while also having positive memories, concludes the expert.