It’s a question that women in particular often ask: Is it me? As soon as something goes wrong or someone rejects us, self-doubt sets in. And basically it’s a good idea to question yourself and work on your own mistakes, even though “working on yourself” sounds annoying and uncomfortable. Sometimes it’s also liberating to say: No way, you’re making life difficult for us, it’s not our fault! Everyone else is to blame! Especially if it’s true. So in 2009, it was great fun to watch Lily Allen, then 24, resist being the contrite penitent. She had depression, a miscarriage, drunk nude photos and a nasty breakup behind her, she suffered from the public’s overly critical gaze: Am I too loud? Too thick? Too demanding? She decided: No, no, no. “It’s Not Me, It’s You” was the logical name of the album with the wonderfully over-the-top, biting pop songs that we would call “empowering” today.
It kicks off with “Everyone’s At It” and the sober acknowledgment that (at least in Lily’s circle) everyone uses drugs of one kind or another. Until we admit it, that’s not going to change: “From grown politicians to young adolescents/ Prescribing themselves antidepressants …/ The kids are in danger, they’re all getting habits/ ‘Cause from what I can see, everyone’s at it.”
And why is the anesthetic necessary, why can we hardly endure everyday life without a bit of chemical (or at least herbal) support? She answers that in The Fear. It is partly due to our superficial, consumption-hungry world. She includes herself in that, she also wants “loads of clothes and fuckloads of diamonds”, that’s how we’re programmed. “Weapons of massive consumption.” The fact that she wraps these brutal realizations in sugar-sweet, very affectionate melodies and sings them so cutely makes everything worse. A lot of aggression can be felt subliminally, and of course the summary is cynical: “Now I’m not a saint, but I’m not a sinner/ And everything’s cool as long as I’m getting thinner.”
At times, like the not-so-subtle “Fuck You,” she gets so angry that she becomes a moralizer, but why not? It’s about bigotry and blunt hatred, people Lily Allen can’t stand. The highlight of the open-hearted pointing, however, is “Not Fair”. I laughed out loud when I first heard the song. It describes a guy who calls 15 times a day to ask if she’s okay – a caregiver with a host of other perks, actually the perfect boyfriend. There’s just one problem: he doesn’t please her in the bedroom. She makes an effort and pays in advance (“I’m feeling pretty damn hard done by/ I spent ages giving head”), but no corresponding commitment comes back from him: “It’s not fair and I think you’re really mean …/ Oh, you’re supposed to care/ But you never make me scream!” She wonders if she’s overreacting.
Should she be content with little instead of wanting more? Anyone who knows Lily Allen knows the answer. It applies to all of life, not just to bed.
This text first appeared as part of the column “Birgit Fuß asks her way through”. Read more episodes HERE.