Likeing, or spying on who likes their ex’s posts. Typical neologism of the social media era, it identifies a behavior that is not all that strange or unusual. On the contrary. The curiosity to know how the life of one’s ex-boyfriend-partner-husband goes on is a very normal thing, which obviously in this era is amplified by Facebook&Co. The real problem is when this attitude becomes obsessive, a pathology.
Liking, when you spy on your ex’s likes
Usually the thought that springs into one’s mind is: if X liked Y, and Y replied, then it means that X and Y are together. It’s a very simple equation. But not always true. Still, social media makes it very real, at least in the mind of the person who continues, even obsessively, to control the ex’s life on social media.
«The age of social media in which we live makes it more difficult to “really close the door”. It’s not easy to maintain that “It’s over”, neither at the level of our thoughts and emotions, to live and go through in order to process the breakup, nor in attitudes. It is within this context that the phenomenon of likeing comes to life” explains Marisabel Iacopino – Psychologist Stimulus Italy.
What are we talking about when we use the term likeing? «Simply of monitoring the likes that are placed on the posts of one’s exes, up to having a look at the profiles of those who do it. Compared to an era without social media, in which it was more difficult to find news again following the end of the relationship, unless you lived in the same area or had acquaintances in common, today a simple click is enough to restore this distance”. .
Why is it likeing, spying on the life of the ex?
At the origin of this behavior there is usually a void to be filled, what the other person left. However, as the expert points out, it is also important to understand when this phenomenon occurs: if it happens immediately after the breakup and during the first few times, it is often dictated by lack, perhaps even by regret of having ended the story, or even by simple habit. In these cases, over time, this attitude begins to wane just as the feeling tends to fade.
On the other hand, the case in which likeing becomes a real need to constantly check on the other person is different. Even more serious, as the expert explains, is if what you discover, for example the continuous likes of a single person who start to make you suspicious, influences one’s mood leading to sadness or depression.
«Certainly between the two extremities just mentioned, there is a lot of intermediate nuances. Don’t underestimate the fact that it is necessary to pay attention to which emotional states emerge as a result of the “monitoring”, their impact on our mood, the emotions and thoughts they arouse. Asking questions is always a valid strategy to avoid the risk of falling into automatic thinking or behavior that could affect our quality of life in the long run”.
How to overcome likeing
If the likeing has become obsessive, it is possible to get out of it. First of all by asking questions while taking a look at his profile for the umpteenth time: «Ask yourself “What drives me to want to hear from you?”, “If you tried to look at me from the outside, what would this behavior of mine say about me, my way of staying in the end of a relationship?”, “What emotion or thought drives me in wanting to know who likes my ex and why?”. Asking yourself these questions helps focus your behavior» explains the expert who, however, specifies: «Attention, these questions, and their answers, should not be posed as a negative judgment towards any feelings that you can still feel. The goal is to pay attention to emotionsusually negative, that this type of attitude brings with it».
An excellent starting point to begin to “detox” from this behavior and really move on.
iO Woman © REPRODUCTION RESERVED