Jan Ullrich was one of the greatest German sports heroes – and fell deeper than almost anyone else. In an interview with ARD doping expert Hajo Seppelt, the 1997 Tour de France winner reports on his life lie, his crash, his most recent doping confession and his plans for a future without drugs and alcohol excesses.
Jan Ullrich smiles a lot and sometimes even laughs heartily when meeting the ARD doping expert Hajo Seppelt. There is no trace of the tension between the two that was almost palpable 17 years ago.
In 2006, the only German Tour de France winner was a guest on Reinhold Beckmann’s talk show. Joined back then: Hajo Seppelt. Ullrich avoided all questions about injections and pills and the lie he had built up in his life – 17 years later he no longer does so. Ullrich and Seppelt met again for the first time this week on a TV appearance, a few days after Ullrich’s unmistakable but no longer surprising confession that he was a doping offender.
The meeting in Zurich is one with a completely different flavor and under completely different circumstances. Jan Ullrich presents himself as tidy, purified and optimistic, even if he still takes on the role of victim from time to time and remains silent about his former doping environment. But above all, after his life-threatening crash, he seems to have been relieved of a burden. “I was at the top, I was at the bottom”says Ullrich: “Now for me the middle is the goal.”
Here are the most important statements from the ARD interview:
Jan Ullrich about his life crisis
“I was really down. Nothing more was possible. I think that as a competitive athlete who can put up with so much, I have also suffered a lot. I was also able to endure extreme suffering in the wrong direction. At that time (in 2018, editor) it was practically the maximum that was possible. Nothing more was possible from a physical and mental point of view. The next step would have been practically death.“
“I said to myself, I am such a fighter before the Lord, I can manage to come to terms with myself. I’m going to process this for myself and I’m going to work through it, and I haven’t allowed any help from outside or inside. Unfortunately I didn’t manage to do that. It kept getting more and more and more and I became weaker and weaker. This has depleted my substance a little more with each passing year. Until I had to numb the whole thing. Then it started with alcohol. When light alcohol wasn’t enough anymore, whiskey was added, and when that wasn’t enough anymore, cocaine was added – and then it was practically over for me.“
Moritz Cassalette, Sportschau, November 26, 2023 4:19 p.m
…about the reasons for his crash
“This has been a years-long process. It started in 2006 when I was taken out of the Tour de France. I was a candidate for victory in the Tour de France and suddenly the ground opened up and I fell through into the depths. I was completely left alone. Suddenly I was only with my closest circle. I was bombed by all of Germany. Everyone turned away. I was the best horse in the stable, and suddenly I wasn’t even a plow horse anymore. That was so hard. It’s been 16 years now, but you can actually still feel that pain inside. My world has completely collapsed. I wasn’t prepared for that.“
… about the reason why he didn’t confess to doping sooner
“I loved cycling so much that I definitely didn’t want to be the traitor. With the confession – who would I have helped with that? I loved cycling too much to harm it in any way. I said to myself back then, I wouldn’t say anything, I wouldn’t drag anyone into this, I wouldn’t destroy any families like I did.
And I had a team of advisors. Shortly before that, I still had teammates, athletes, friends, and was part of the big cycling family. And suddenly most of the people around me were lawyers. They said that this is an ongoing case, there will be another criminal case – ‘we advise you to keep quiet’. And these two things combined made me decide that I wouldn’t say anything. … The clarification now lies with other people. The UCI (World Cycling Association, editor) could certainly clarify this much better. They have all these parameters, they have all these blood tests and so on. This is not my task.“
…about people he feels he has to apologize to
“There were certainly riders who resisted doping. I have to apologize to them. And of course with the spectators, with the fans. There was great disappointment, even for my mother, who knew nothing.“
…to a theoretical revocation of his Tour victory (which is no longer possible due to the statute of limitations)
“I know what I have achieved. And I know how it happened back then. Under these conditions I feel like a Tour de France winner. And if I lost the win, that would be me in my heart.”
…about his understanding of today’s doping offenders
“No, I don’t understand. Here we are again with typical doping: you consciously give yourself an advantage over the competition, and that is doping. And I’m of the opinion that I didn’t do that […] Doping is simply not part of sport, that’s it… Knowing what I know today, if someone came to me and said, ‘I have something that you can’t control’, I would report them immediately, of course.“
…about his decision to tell his life in a documentary series
“The point was that five years ago I had this extreme life crisis, this extreme life crash – and I barely survived it. But then I switched, I decided for life. I had to completely rethink how I got this far, what I want in life now, what I expect from life. And then, after two years of strengthening myself physically and mentally, I came to the decision: I need to really come to terms with my life again. I also have to say what’s on my mind. I said I would go back in my life all the way back to my childhood and work through all of my demons that I didn’t let out – so that something like what happened in 2018 doesn’t happen again.“
…on the question of how clean cycling is today
“I haven’t been this close for many years. But my personal opinion is actually that things have gotten much, much better. And that this widespread doping is gone. Back then the sport was in a state of upheaval, but today we have a strong association. […] Today we have criminal law, there are prison sentences for doping. There is a much better training system. The sports-technical thing has gotten much better […] And a very large part is due to better nutrition […] But I also want to believe that they learned from this that cycling is clean.“
…about the coming years and his goals
“I actually lost many years. Beautiful years. Years when the children were younger. I’m already mourning this. This arose from my personal mistakes, from my personal weakness. This is entirely my fault. I’m trying not to lose any more years. I also think I learned that I don’t need alcohol or drugs to live a healthy life. […] I’ve been at the top, I’ve been at the bottom and now the middle is the goal for me. You can also be happy with little things.“
…to a possible future in cycling
“I would be ready for that, then cycling has to open up first and maybe there will be some opportunity. This emotion and what I have achieved in Germany with this sport – these are also experiences. Today we have experts for every little thing, but experience is also worth its weight in gold. I think I could get involved […] and if it’s just about passing on my experience to young people or children. I have pursued cycling throughout my life. I still love this sport. I don’t push myself into cycling, I don’t ask for a job or that I should be integrated somewhere. I just want to say, I’m open to everything again.”
…about his “greatest wish”
“I would have liked to have been a professional in a doping-free cycling sport because I think my talent would have prevailed. I would have liked to have won the Tour de France for Germany without doping.”