dit was supposed to be a provocative manifesto but the provocation was evidently too much. The billboard of the campaign created by Control for Mother’s Day it was in fact blocked. A “censorship” fueled by the taboo that the campaign wanted to fight. The goal was indeed to demonstrate that the association between sex and motherhood it is not only healthy but also beautiful and fulfilling. Six faces of mothers of various ages, portrayed in a moment of pleasure, who were to be protagonists. Around our cities we will never see them. But some famous people have decided to revive them. Thus the Hyena Nina Palmieri, Amanda’s mother.
Is sex and motherhood still taboo?
That juxtaposing sex and motherhood is still taboo was also demonstrated by a survey conducted by Control (brand of condoms and sex accessories) on 486 women. 32% of the respondents reported that still thinking with embarrassment about their own sexuality. A percentage that even rises to 52% – more than one out of two women – when the word “orgasm” is associated with “mom”.
A mother’s orgasm, how embarrassing
And it doesn’t get better when the same question arises to men: if the percentage is even lower when no references are made to age (only 29% of men have difficulty thinking and talking about the female orgasm), the figure rises significantly when the sexuality that “embarrasses” is that of women mothers (56%).
Prejudices, communication and education: the reasons for a taboo that resists
«For centuries, topics such as pleasure and sexuality have been approached from a predominantly male point of view and almost “demonized” when associated with women. The silence and embarrassment that envelops the female orgasm today is the result of a prejudice rooted within us, as well as the result of communication and education that is done (or rather, what is not done) around the topic», explains Silvia Gioffreda, doctor, sexual consultant and author of the book One orgasm at a time. Guide to pleasure for anyone (HarperCollins).
Why it is important to “normalize” female pleasure
«For this reason, communication has a decisive role», continues Gioffreda. «Female pleasure including that of mothers must be made “normal” (understood as a common and socially accepted thing): normalizing means understanding and exploring one’s own pleasure, in a free way, without feeling at fault».
How does gender change after pregnancy
If it is true that the mentality must change and female pleasure must be normalized at all levels, it is true that after a pregnancy theintimacy changes (or can change), and quite a lot. But “if before there was a good complicity of the couple on a sexual-emotional level, it will be possible not only to restore it but also to discover new balances and new ways of experiencing intimacy”, he assures Valentina Cosmi, SISP psychotherapist and sexologist and consultant LELOSwedish brand leader in the sex toys sector.
In the postpartum, but also in the months to come, some difficulties must be taken into account. And this too if the body seemingly returns to its pre-pregnancy appearance, it’s really not the same anymore.
Muscle tone after childbirth
First, «even if only temporarily, a natural vaginal birth can cause decrease in muscle tone» explains Cosmi. “This condition may be responsible for many annoyances which can be perceived during the sexual act, such as concern for a possible urine leakage or the perception of a poor response to penetration».
To avoid excessive annoyance and worry, it is useful keep the pelvic floor in shape. To do that, they exist the ben wa balls or you can perform the “famous” Kegel exercises.
Sex and motherhood. Kegel exercises
First exercise. Begin to tighten your pelvic muscles in short repetitions of three to five seconds, five times in a row. After several days of doing this exercise, you will notice that you are able to keep your muscles tight for longer. Then hold them for ten seconds, then relax them for ten seconds before repeating the exercise.
If you are not sure which muscle you should flex and contracttry stopping next time when urinating – these are the exact muscles you should be using during exercise.
Pain during the sexual act
Many women, after childbirth, whether it is natural or by cesarean, can arrive at experience pain during sexual intercourse. “This can be linked, for example, to a difficulty in vaginal lubrication,” explains Cosmi. «To overcome this, it is useful to remember that a gradual approach and delicate can be the best way to get closer to your partner: a romantic massage, as well as mutual masturbation or stimulation with an external vibrator can be excellent solutions».
But the communication the fundamental key remains: it is important speak openly about expectations and concerns related to intimacy, and communication with oneself is even more helpful. Listen to your body and take your time.
How emotions change after childbirth
Not just physical changes: Emotions can affect intimacy even more than physical aspects. “It is not uncommon for one new mother feels overwhelmed, tired, aware of the inevitable change of her body: this can lead to a decreased sexual desirewith a consequent reluctance to experience sexual relations spontaneously», explains Cosmi.
The secret to getting through this stage? Patience and time for yourself: «It is useful to carve out moments to spend with each other outside the needs of parenting, such as for example dedicating yourself to a romantic date by candlelight or engaging in a shared hobby».
Sex and motherhood: when to start having relationships again
Some experts suggest waiting four to six weeks before having sexual intercourse, but each person has their own times and needs: some women, for example, feel ready to resume their sexual life already after two weeks from childbirth. Obviously a lot depends on the type of birth you had, if there are wounds that need to heal and intimate discomforts.
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