With his pants down and his jacket torn, Jochem Myjer limps onto the stage of De Kleine Komedie in Amsterdam. He’s just single-handedly fought off an entire van of ME’s, he grins. And then happily take a seat behind the piano, for two infectious black-comedy songs, one of which, irritating factor, about all those small daily corona frustrations, leads to audible recognition in the room.
Fifty lucky ones are there, at Kapsalon Theater, the playful protest of the cultural sector against the extended closure. With mouth caps on and safely at a distance of one and a half meters, they watch three hairdressers who cut nine customers in an hour at lightning speed – this is ‘secondary theatre’, according to Diederik Ebbinge. Ebbinge presents the afternoon, Lies Visschedijk is a hairdresser’s assistant: she sweeps the floor and helps the customers on and off the stage. Cutting costs a tenner, but the payment machine invariably falters.
The public is of course mainly here for the performances of four exuberant comedians between the barber chairs. The first hour will be Freek de Jonge, Henry van Loon, Jasper van der Veen, and Jochem Myjer, who fills in for Sanne Wallis de Vries. Wallis de Vries, besides Ebbinge the motor behind the protest, had to stay at home because of a corona infection of a family member.
They have all not performed for about two years, and are a bit ‘rusty’, according to Van Loon, who reads his text from his iPad. De Jonge reads from a notebook and stumbles nervously over the legs of a hairdresser. Sharing the stage takes getting used to. ‘Godskolere, there’s no blow-drying while I’m speaking!’ After a series of jokes about The Voice follows a catchy anti-lockdown song. ‘Come let us demonstrate against the corona air / If we continue to ventilate there will be no problem.’
In the third row, two ladies open a bottle of champagne. They just had to be there, say Nynke Govers and Charmaine Kamperman, both 49, from Amsterdam. Govers looks concerned: ‘They are really going to cut it!’ She is allowed to sit in the chair during De Jonge’s performance. When he notices her smiling, he gives a special private performance in front of her barber chair. When it is Van Loon’s turn, it becomes more exciting for the customers. ‘You know that’s not a real hairdresser, right? Shave it all off.’
After an hour, the visitors are led outside again through the emergency exit, to make way for the next batch. For example, the Kleine Komedie receives two hundred people in four hours; all visitors yearning for culture and wanting to support the sector: the tickets were sold out in 53 seconds.
Outside director Jörgen Tjon a Fong, tense, he has just received a first warning from the police. He stiffens when a police car passes, but the officers drive on, waving. “We hope we can go on until five o’clock. See where a fun idea now leads nationwide! I really hope this is a signal to politicians. Everyone is so ready for this.’