I first text my friend Bert that I’m a little late and then that I’ll be on time. There is no response | column Herman Sandman

We have agreed to meet at 10 am, but the day before I text my friend Bert that it will be half an hour later. I want to go mountain biking first. ‘Fine’, says friend Bert.

But when I get out of bed the next day I see that it is raining and the wind is blowing very hard and I think: cycling is not going to work out for me. A moment later I hesitate, look outside from the shed again and realize: going out is even stupid.

I text my friend Bert that it will probably be 10 o’clock. There is no response from friend Bert. I tell my wife that I am not going to cycle, she thinks that is ‘very sensible’ and suggests that, since it is only 8 o’clock and so I have 1.5 hours left to do the ironing. “No,” I say, “not in the morning. I’ll do it tomorrow night.”

She asks what time I’m leaving and suggests that I take my youngest son with me. He has a test at 10.15 am and since it is raining and the wind is blowing very hard, as I had already determined, riding the scooter may not be that convenient.

“Oh yes, would you also like to make him some sandwiches?”

After which I text my friend Bert that it might be a bit later: ‘Somewhere between 10 and half past 11, changes every minute. I’ll explain.’

It remains silent again on the part of friend Bert. When I dropped my son off at school at 9:47 am, I saw a text message: ‘I got a bit out of hand last night, so I just got out. Half past 11 would be good. Or will you be freezing for half an hour?’

I say ‘no’, while it is ‘yes’, but I suggest, since my friend Bert is broke, which rarely or never happens, that we cancel the appointment completely and set a new date. An enthusiastic response follows: ‘Thanks!’

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