Stefanie: “We met fourteen years ago at carnival in Maastricht. I was dressed as a circus director, mustache and all.” Tetsuro: “And me as a Playboy bunny. We both lived in Amsterdam, but both happened to be in Maastricht to celebrate carnival. It was in Take Five, my favorite bar in Maastricht. When I studied in that city, I worked there for a while behind the bar.
Stephanie: “I started studying at the art academy in Maastricht when Tetsuro had already left. Take Five then also became my favorite pub. Many creative people came.”
Tetsuro: “After that first evening we started dating and after a while we started living together in Amsterdam.”
Stephanie: „Our first, Yuna, was born there. I then worked at the Stedelijk Museum in the education department. People sometimes asked: wouldn’t you like to go back to Maastricht? Because I’m from there. Then I always said, a bit in jest: only if I was head of education at the Bonnefanten [museum] can become. That job suddenly became available six years ago.”
Tetsuro: “I was working as a freelance photographer at the time, we lived on one floor. It was clear that we could not stay in Amsterdam if we had another child.”
Stephanie: “And we didn’t really feel like sitting somewhere in a suburb of Amsterdam.”
Tetsuro: “So then we moved to Maastricht.”
Stephanie: “We said: let’s try it for a year. But after half a year this turned out to be a fantastic choice. We have nice neighbours. The children connect quickly. The quality of life is high here. We live in Biesland, in a neighborhood where all the houses are painted white, a seven-minute bike ride from the Vrijthof.”
Tetsuro: “And on the other hand you are immediately in nature. Also handy: Stefanie’s parents live nearby and my mother lives in Brussels, an hour’s drive away.
Stephanie: “Maastricht has many cafes and a rich cultural life. And the atmosphere is more gentle and friendly than in the Randstad.”
Tetsuro: “I am not so much homesick for Amsterdam. I would no longer be in the Paradiso three times a week. Sometimes I do feel homesick for that period, when I was between 25 and 35. You already have a little money, little responsibility and a lot of freedom. If I sent three text messages on a Friday afternoon, I would be sitting on the terrace with ten friends in no time. Now you send ten texts and maybe one friend shows up, if you’re lucky.”
Households
Stephanie: “We have divided the household well. Tetsuro does the shopping and cooks. I tidy up and do the arranging. I take care of the children’s clothes, I arrange the cleaning lady, I do the finances. Three years ago we did an online test and it showed that Tetsuro did 53 percent of the household.”
Tetsuro: “When we did it again, it turned out that I did 51 percent.”
Stephanie: “At the business administration course that I follow next to my work, I recently mentioned that my husband cooks every evening. A man joked: so your man is under the stick! You often get such reactions.”
Tetsuro: “Sometimes we first say: one of the two always cooks. No one thinks that’s crazy. And then we say that I am the one. Only then will people notice.”
Stephanie: “I just don’t like to cook, it’s a waste of my time. It’s so much work considering how quickly you eat it.”
Tetsuro: “I like doing it. And I like to eat what I make myself.”
Stephanie: “Sometimes he makes his own sushi or pizza.”
Tetsuro: “Our smallest likes sushi and chips; then you can clearly see that she has my Japanese and Belgian genes.”
Feminist
Stephanie: “I can recommend everyone to take that test. Because it is often different than you think. For example: the man thinks he does quite a lot of housework, but that turns out to be disappointing. Or the woman is doing much more than he realizes.”
Tetsuro: “It’s nice to see if you both fill in the same test.”
Stephanie: “How you divide it doesn’t matter, I think – that can also be 60/40, as long as you’re both okay with it and one doesn’t do much more than the other realizes.”
Tetsuro: “Feminist? No, I don’t want to call myself a feminist, I think that’s such a label. Let others judge whether I am a feminist.”
Stephanie: “But I know few men who would move for their wife’s career.”
Tetsuro: “That’s right. On the other hand, I do know a lot of people who have moved for the man’s new job. People sometimes ask: don’t you feel very hurt in your manhood? Well no.”
Stephanie: “It was easier for me to land in Maastricht because I immediately had a nice job.”
Tetsuro: “I had to switch gears. The people are very friendly, but if they have to choose between me and a real Maastricht photographer, and we’re both equally good, they’ll choose that Sjeng, or the Maastricht native. Nowadays I also work as a copywriter and concept developer at a creative communication agency. It has more speed and is more socially enjoyable than the solitary life of a freelance photographer, although I still shoot. My most famous photo project is about being half-Japanese, hafu. Before that I photographed people from more than a hundred countries.”
Stephanie: “Tetsuro once went to Japan for three weeks for that photo project. Then he left ten meals in the freezer for me and the kids. Yes, the ideal man!”
A version of this article also appeared in the newspaper of April 1, 2023