The written media swept up the stardust that came swirling from Hilversum last weekend. The Volkskrant interviewed Jan Slagter (69), the boss of Omroep MAX. He said that “we live in a time where I am the perpetrator every time.” He is white, man and gray and has to “shut up”. In recent months he has extended a comforting hand to well-known fallen men. Tom (Egbers), Frans (Klein) and Matthijs (van Nieuwkerk). He found them “dark and gloomy,” “abandoned,” and in a “black hole.” A hole from which Matthijs van Nieuwkerk (62) via NRC tried to scramble up. We now know that he was “damn” and “at times” a dick. Just not quite sure why he was one.
In the AD a completely different kind of victim came to the fore. Efrain (26) and Aylin (24) participated as a couple Temptation Island, and were mentally quite confused afterwards. In the program, couples are housed separately in a resort where they are exposed to a pack of seducers and a lot of alcohol. So don’t participate in that, you think. But the prospect of a little bit of fame and some money is attractive – and you’re young, your relationship is in good shape, so what could possibly happen? Well false promises, manipulation, a duty of confidentiality and a penalty clause from the producers of the program, that’s what happens.
If I also take the duster over the weekend myself: Pierre van Hooijdonk was allowed to return to the table after two weeks of mandatory absence Studio Football. Linda de Mol was also back after a long time with Million Hunt and Expedition Robinson immediately filled two weekend evenings of primetime television. The formula is unchanged, twenty well-known Dutchmen were divided into two teams on two Malaysian islands. Each team had to get rid of one candidate before spending a night on the island. And they both chose the woman of color in their midst. Crazy right? Before Jan Slagter thinks that’s too woke again, I’m ‘just’ asking a question, eh.
Cause of death number one
Now about what’s really bad. Gijs van der Pijl’s grief for his brother Arie (22) who committed suicide at the end of 2019. Documentary maker Mercedes Stalenhoef starts My big brother (EO) while Arie’s body is still being laid off. Wooden stretcher, linen wrappings. “Stupid boy,” his mother whispers as he is carried out of the parental home. The question from Gijs, two years younger than his brother, is simple and all-encompassing: “What should I do now?” The beginning of an answer is in the documentary in which he and his parents are followed for three years.
Next week is World Suicide Prevention Week. I did not know. I also didn’t know that suicide is the number one cause of death in the Netherlands for people under the age of 30. This family shares with us its loving desperation and misunderstanding. They rarely saw Arie angry, and never sad. Were they blind to his “dark thoughts” or did he not show them? Only when the police crack the hard drive out of his computer do they read what he couldn’t or wouldn’t tell them. And every family member does their part. Mother saves and runs through life until she stumbles, father is willing to bear the loss if his son is better off now. Gijs’ mourning is physical and palpable through the screen.
Long before Arie went to nautical school and became an intern on a container ship, he was one of the reporters of Office for big questions, in 2010 and 2011 a youth program of KRO-RKK. Good-natured boy of about ten years old, round brown eyes. He takes to the streets with the question ‘What does heaven look like’. “Very nice, I hope,” replies an older man, his wife standing next to him. “I lost a son,” he says. “Slightly younger than you.” So that.
You can talk about suicide at the national helpline 113 Suicide Prevention. Phone 0800-0113 or www.113.nl.