“My 9-month-old son is trying everything out,” Robina writes. “He continuously sticks his fingers between holes, cracks and drawers, puts everything in his mouth and it has already happened twice that his finger was in the candle wax. I’m always afraid that one day things will really go wrong. No matter how much I pay attention, an accident really is just around the corner.”
“I find it difficult to estimate what I am doing well. I notice that I often react violently out of fear and emotion. I raise my voice and start yelling at him that something is not allowed. I’m afraid to come across as too strict, but on the other hand I want to teach him something. Can I unlearn things at this age? And if so, how can I best do that?”
Discover the world
The behavior of Robina’s baby is part of the phase he is in, explains baby coach Jessica Manders. “Babies of that age go out to explore, to discover the world. The behavior that comes with this, such as touching, putting things in the mouth and throwing things on the floor, should be seen as a way of communicating. They do something and then see what response they get. And if there is a response, how nice is it to do it ten more times?”
Provoke a response
“It is important to realize that at this age your child is busy making connections. He doesn’t do things to tease you, or because he knows something isn’t allowed, but purely because he sees something provoking a reaction – and a reaction is interesting. ‘Nice! I’ll do that again!’ Babies at this age really don’t immediately understand that something is not allowed, that requires a lot of repetition.”
To be consequent
“That doesn’t mean you don’t have to do anything with it. You can certainly make it clear to your baby what is and is not allowed by being consistent. Saying ‘no’ very clearly and also explaining why something is not allowed has an effect in the long run. He will certainly not immediately understand what you are saying and will then repeat it several times, but by repeating this over and over, your child will eventually notice the difference between an encouraging response and a response that is meant to make it clear that something is wrong. not allowed.”
Do not get angry
The anxious reaction Robina writes about is something Manders recognizes from many of the parents she worked with. “Many parents are startled when their baby does something dangerous and become angry, raise their voices and react out of fear. That is understandable, but it is important to realize that a baby can also be startled by such a reaction. If you have an angry or fearful facial expression and raise your voice exuberantly, it can be scary. Your baby doesn’t get that. Raising your voice is not necessary to make it clear that something is not allowed. A clear and consistent ‘no’, accompanied by a serious look, is enough.”
Safe environment
“Keep in mind that discovering the world is part of this stage of your baby’s life. So give him that opportunity too, he will learn a lot from it. It is wise to ensure that the environment in which he does so is safe. It is therefore better to put those candles away, and make sure, for example, that hot tea is never within reach. You can also crawl on the floor yourself to see the house through your baby’s eyes. For example, you may see potentially risky areas that you otherwise would not have seen, such as table points, shaky furniture or heavy objects that are so up for grabs. If you create a safe environment, you may also be able to put your own fears aside and give your baby the confidence to explore on their own. That is only good for him.”