“How dangerous would an affair with my colleague be?”

Sex counselor Jana Förster replies: “One in six Germans has had a sexual adventure at work. So it’s not uncommon for hot lust to be lived out between the desk and the copier. The attraction is also completely understandable when you consider that the sometimes very monotonous everyday working life can be spiced up with a hot flirt. It is the attraction of the forbidden and the thrill of being caught by colleagues or even the superior.

Of course, I can understand this attraction very much, sexual desire awakens animal instincts in us. Nevertheless, we are (have become) civilized beings who have agreed on social rules and norms. Ideally, we weigh up whether we should give in to an initial impulse or whether our reason decides otherwise. I’d like to give you some stimuli to consider.

► One should not underestimate the corridor radio, especially at work. Not only sexual attraction and flirting can spice up everyday working life, but also social exchange as ‘glue’ among colleagues. It’s gossip like mad, sometimes the snooping noses are better than the secret service or the neighborhood at the garden fence. Affairs among colleagues are exposed much faster than one would like. So if you don’t want to get caught in the crosshairs, we strongly advise against taking the final step towards an affair. It is not uncommon for affairs and infidelities in the spouses at home to be exposed by informing colleagues.

► Every affair is exciting, yes, but it also has an expiry date. You will inevitably see your colleague again. Most likely very regularly. It will even happen to you more often than in crackling times. So what used to be sexually charged encounters full of adrenaline and desire now quickly becomes an uptight and uncomfortable chore. Affairs often end with one partner wanting more from the other and hoping for more from the connection. If you are then repeatedly confronted with the insult, it can not only become a psychological burden, but also make the workplace a very unpleasant place. Of course, the same also applies to professional telephone calls from the home office.

► Sex at work or an affair with a colleague is not punishable in Germany. Your own love life and the choice of your sexual partner are fundamentally a private matter and protected by the right to self-determination. However, many employers point out that romantic relationships of any kind are not desirable – especially if one is the boss of the other. There may even be a warning – especially if sexual acts take place during working hours. In the worst case, there is even a threat of dismissal due to fraud in working hours. Furthermore, one should always bear in mind, as you have already mentioned in your question, that effects on the employment relationship cannot be prevented in most cases. After all, we are only human and are often guided by our feelings, even at work. Especially when it’s gotten personal and intimate.

► As a last point I would like to share with you that flirting, sexual desire and this interpersonal attraction was often in retrospect even the most erotic thing about the affair at work. So the question is, do we really have to give in to every temptation? Or whether enjoying the flirt isn’t the greatest incentive to go to work just a little bit and enjoy it. Keeping your head cinema active is sometimes much more appealing than reality.

With these thoughts on weighing your decision, which no one can do for you, I’d like to leave them out of my answer. Yours, Jana Förster.”