By Jana Förster and Konstantin Marrach
New month, new luck? Numerous e-mails and letters have also reached us in the last few days on the topics of lust and passion. This time the column by sex counselor Jana Förster is about a letter from a reader who wants to last longer during sex.
The reader, who wishes to remain anonymous, writes: “I’m in my early 30s and have been dating a new woman for a few weeks. She is incredibly sexy and we have sex almost every day. My problem is that I usually don’t last long and come after just a few minutes. She says that’s no problem. But I would like to last longer to give her more fun and of course to be able to enjoy the sex longer. Do you have any tips? I want to keep my hands off Viagra and other sexual enhancers.”
Sex counselor Jana Förster replies: “In the definition, one speaks of premature ejaculation only if the pure sexual intercourse is less than 2 minutes before the climax is reached. In most cases, the sexual intercourse is longer, but is still perceived as too short.
I’m not a fan of pinning the satisfaction of intercourse to any minute. Therefore, the subjective perception of duration is crucial for me.
If you have the feeling that you want to have intercourse with your partner for longer, this is a very understandable desire. Especially if you are in a new relationship and shared sexuality is very important. There are, of course, various ways of mechanically delaying ejaculation. Whether with special condoms, creams that reduce the sensitivity of the penis or various pressure techniques that are applied to the penis just before ejaculation.
Today, however, I would like to go into very special topics that, in my opinion, are the simplest and, above all, the most effective methods of being able to enjoy sex for longer.
First, a lot of men these days just move at a tempo from the beginning of penetration to the end. This has the disadvantage that a very intense friction is often generated, which leads to the climax very quickly. At this point I would like to recommend more creativity and, above all, a change of pace. This is especially beneficial for women, because the clitoris and the vagina like different speeds.
At the same time, it is highly recommended to observe your own arousal and to aim for a change of position at an arousal point of 7/10. Choose a position in which experience has shown that you can breathe a little better. Everyone should know their range of positions that lead to more and less intense orgasms.
In addition, it can be a time booster to devote significantly more attention to the arousal of the woman during the changeover than to concentrating on your own sensation on the penis. Turning your tongue, hands, fingers and lips to the woman’s erogenous zones can be a big win on all sides.
My last tip, and the most important from my practical experience, is to keep an eye on your own pelvic floor along with the tension that is often far too great. Nowadays it is almost always the case that men tense their pelvic floor far too much, which is extremely orgasm-promoting.
In my experience, almost nobody knows that “He” is way too tense. So work very consciously by tensing and relaxing your pelvic floor, especially in the area between the testicles and the anus.
Have fun trying it out, your Jana Förster.”