Since the news about Matthijs van Nieuwkerk, Marc Overmars, Danny Nelissen, Mart Smeets, Bert Huisjes (and their bosses, editors-in-chief and management) – they have been falling like dominoes – the ‘little men’ who had the wind at their tail for decades. Don’t worry, guys reading this column, I don’t mean you. But that one, certain type of man, you know.
The men who send dick pics to their subordinates, who yell and harass at work, who call pregnant women “fat pigs,” who start talking about her household as soon as a woman is appointed to a top position. The men from the time when “the glass ceiling” still sounded like innovative interior design, and ‘diversity’ was something you wanted in your salad.
Times change.
I’ll be honest: it’s about time you guys were stopped. But I also feel sorry for you. Because for decades no one stood in your way. And now the stories suddenly come out and you are suspended. Or are you trembling, waiting for the Inquisition to knock on your door.
And so I thought: let me make a list of tips especially for that type of man on how you can become relevant at work again in the coming years. It’s going to be a huge job guys! Especially with – oh horror! – all those women around you who are appointed to top positions! But believe me. This could still be your decade!
1 Listening is the new shouting.
Yes, you read that right. If it used to be intimidation, your angry look, your impatience and lightning-shooting eyes, in the coming years your ears will become your most powerful weapon.
2 And with that you start listening.
So don’t wait until it’s your turn to talk again, but really listen. You’ll be amazed at how much respect you command by simply showing that you value your colleagues’ opinions and suggestions.
3 Get coffee for your colleagues.
And remember how they drink it. This way you are attentive and you often visit the coffee machine. You know what’s going on!
4 Empathy is your new superpower.
Empathy has always been to you, alpha monkey of the 20th century, what kryptonite is to Superman – you shriveled up when you showed it. In the new era, empathy is a sign of strength that will help you score. So the next time a colleague shares a problem with you, don’t say, “Don’t whine,” but say, “I understand that’s bothering you, tell me more and we can solve it together.”
5 Share the spotlight.
I know! That feels like giving up the last piece of cake. But trust me, there is enough cake for everyone. In fact, the more you share the light, the brighter it becomes and the more light shines on you! You didn’t know, now you know!
6 Get your sense of humor through the car wash.
Love. Jokes about menstruation, mothers-in-law, big butts and “women behind the wheel” are no longer acceptable. The new era requires a more creative approach. (Insert! Haha! No, not that one either.)
7 Be a mentor, not a dinosaur.
Dear “certain kind of men”, we think you are dinosaurs who have been scratching in their quarry for years. And sure, it is your own right to slowly die out. But you can also do something useful with your experience. You will gain more respect than you could ever hope for.
8 Go and do something at home. Care tasks.
So also pick up the (grand)children from daycare when they are sick, go over French with them, do math, wipe snot noses, dry tears, clean the shower drain, remove lice, cook, go shopping and visit mother in the nursing home. This way you not only have both feet in the office, but also in life to the fullest.
9 Stop drowning out your uncertainty with an even bigger Audi, but share it – that uncertainty.
The smartest people doubt the most.
10 And while you’re at it: immediately fix a number of things that are still not properly arranged (for women).
Equal pay for equal performance, stop pregnancy discrimination, encourage fathers who want to take care leave, and put a stop to sexual harassment. You are not only one of the boys, but also one of the girls.
11 And start losing weight, guys! That fat ass really can’t take anymore.
It’s time for the tight pants! “Should I lose weight before the summer this year?” becomes your new question at the coffee machine, while you sip your low-calorie smoothie.
12 And don’t look so angry, okay?!
Get rid of that hanging lip. When you smile you are so much more beautiful! Continually radiate: “I’m standing here in my tight pants, ready to listen and support.”
13 Oh wait.
I was a little confused at tips 11 and 12 with the tips I always get from your type of man. That’s exactly what we want to get rid of, so you can ignore it. Excuse! I’ll see you at the office tomorrow!
Pleasant!