Marlon B. from Hoogeloon was told on Thursday that he would have to spend 24 years in prison for the murder of his ex Silvana Heber. He killed her because she wanted to leave him. That sounds familiar to Barbara Godwaldt. Her sister Gea from Made also wanted to divorce her husband. The day she told him, he killed her. Since then, Barbara has been fighting for more attention to such murders, because there are often similarities in the events that precede such a crime. “I am convinced that many of these murders can be prevented.”
Above the couch hangs a large photo of Gea with a broad smile. In the cupboard there is a photo of the two sisters in their childhood, they are kissing each other. “When she came in, she immediately created the atmosphere,” says the sister. Gea was a primary school teacher and had a heart for education. She was very loved by her students.
“We also didn’t know how dangerous such a signal was.”
She was a cheerful and independent woman, something that gradually changed. “If you get swear words thrown at you, it does something to you as a person. Especially when you get that from someone you love. Threats were slowly added.” Contact with her sister became increasingly difficult. For example, Barbara was not allowed to help with Gea’s move, while she normally would.
According to Barbara, Gea was not abused by her husband, but he did threaten to harm her dog. “We also didn’t know how dangerous such a signal was. In my mind, people had to have experienced physical violence before partner killing would occur.” With today’s knowledge, she sees clear signals that could be a precursor to partner killing. “A lot of signals are still too often seen as something in the personal sphere.”
“Too often people talk about a family drama”
The murder of her sister is a clear example of femicide, a term that has recently been used more and more in the media and by the Public Prosecution Service. A good development, says Barbara. After her sister was murdered, the man committed suicide.
Barbara: “Too often people talk about a family tragedy, which makes it seem the same as carbon monoxide poisoning, for example. As a result, society does not realize that it is murder and how often this happens.”
The definition of the term femicide is difficult. Not all murders of a woman are included. The balance of power between men and women plays an important role. The fact is that in more than half of the murders of women, a loved one or ex-partner is the perpetrator. Often a lot has already happened before that. “You can see that things are going in the wrong direction when a victim is isolated or controlled. If someone suddenly starts driving very fast in a car with you next to it or if someone tries to scare you. Or threatens pets and children,” says Barbara.
“The numbers can be drastically reduced.”
If this happens more often, it is called a pattern. Barbara only discovered that these patterns often correspond in partner killings when she came into contact with relatives of other victims of femicide. She worked with them on a ‘Femicide Approach Plan’ and thus put the subject on the national political agenda.
The signals and patterns that could end in murder are described in that document. So-called red flags. Education is therefore an important part of that plan so that women and those around them realize that there is danger. “They must also be able to be taken care of properly. Because the moment around the end of the relationship is the most dangerous.”
The entire society must become aware of this, but certainly also the police and emergency services. In many cases, victims have had contact with the police due to domestic violence or stalking, but they often do not recognize the pattern. “If everyone knows more about it and is better trained, I believe we can radically reduce the numbers.”
With her efforts, Barbara hopes to help other people prevent this suffering. In memory of Gea. “I hope she is proud of me,” she concludes with a lump in her throat.
Omroep Brabant spoke with Barbara. She lost her sister Gea after she was murdered by her husband. You can see that in this HOW..?
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