Most of the time, one of the two has a hunch: The relationship is about to end! But it also happens that you get caught cold.
Have you suppressed the harbingers that herald the end, or did you perhaps even want to overlook them? Psychologist and partnership expert Felicitas Heyne knows the answer: “You can assume so. That always has a history. What is different, of course, is the willingness to suffer of different people in relationships or the tenacity with which someone is willing to work on a relationship before giving it up as lost.”
Most of the time, as the relationship expert knows, it is men who are more surprised than women when it comes to a breakup.
“One possible explanation for this is that for many women, the topic of relationships is still more important than for men. They have quite clear ideas about what they want from a relationship. They take a much closer look at what’s going on and are more dissatisfied if they don’t think things are going well.”
Five signals men should heed:
►Character criticism: This is not to be confused with complaints, which are okay because they focus on a very specific behavior. Example: ‘One can never rely on you!’ versus ‘We’re out of milk, you promised to bring some!’
►Defense: This means a counterattack as an automatic reaction to any form of complaint from the partner: ‘Yes, but…’ – ‘That’s not true at all, and you also have…’
►Contempt: Eye rolls, taunts, provocations, mimicking, making fun of your partner: ‘You’re a real mama’s boy!’
►walls: Silence, no reaction, petrified expression, blocking – continuously and permanently, not as a short-term de-escalation strategy in a heated situation.
►show of force: Stifling partner using dominance. Examples: ‘Feel free, I don’t care.’ – ‘It will now be done as I say, I don’t want any more discussions.’ – ‘You don’t understand anything about that anyway.’
