Femke and Daniëlle 40 years of friends: ‘My mother always baked French toast for us after school’

Femke Schouten (45) and Daniëlle Walsh (45) get to know each other at primary school and lose sight of each other after group eight. They come into contact with each other again through going out in De Boerderij and through the former social media site Hyves. Together they also share sad moments such as the loss of a child: their friendship has only become closer.

The two friends from Zoetermeer like to do crazy things and have fun: “We both like the same sense of humour: sometimes we have to laugh to tears.”

Punk hairstyle with cockscomb

In 1983, Femke and Daniëlle meet at Kameleon primary school at the Van Doornenplantsoen. Femke lives in De Leyens and after school Daniëlle cycles home with her. “Her mother always baked French toast after school,” says Daniëlle. “Now we bake them ourselves.”

They both go their separate ways after primary school. “We lost track of each other, but we sometimes saw each other when we went out at De Boerderij: Daniëlle worked behind the bar there. She really stood out with her punk hairstyle with mohawk,” says Femke. “I was the introverted type to her.” They also meet each other online via Hyves and send each other messages. After six years apart, their friendship blossoms again.

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Help and rock in caring for daughter

Femke attends fashion school and upholstery training and after a while she gets pregnant. She gives birth to a baby girl with cerebral palsy, or brain injury. Her friend Danielle, mother of two, works in healthcare and uses her knowledge to assist Femke and her newborn daughter. Danielle: “She had a tough time caring for her newborn daughter. Because of my work I was able to help her find a good daily rhythm. Not only in terms of sleeping, eating and drinking for the little one, but also for herself.” Femke: “It was pretty tough for me and then it is very nice if someone is there for you.”

World Lights Day

Femke becomes pregnant with her second child, but her daughter dies four days after giving birth. Danielle is also pregnant with her second, but her daughter dies during pregnancy. “We both experienced not only the loss of our own child, but also the intense grief of your best friend,” says Femke. Both friends don’t talk much about it at first, until World Lights Day, a day of remembrance for deceased children. “Suddenly we started sharing our grief and story more,” Femke continues. “The good thing is that you understand each other because you’ve been through the same thing.”

Our story never ends

Long conversations during walks, texting each other every day to let them know something: the friendship between Femke and Daniëlle is growing and getting closer. “We listen and are honest with each other,” says Daniëlle. “When we turned 40, we immortalized our friendship with a tattoo that read ‘Our story never ends’. This one says that we will never lose sight of each other again. When we are older, we dance together in the nursing home and have a party there too.”