ANDBeing a man is not enough to become a father. To “give birth” to fathers, the arrival of a baby is not enough which disrupts the rhythms, the balance of the couple, the life of him and her: commitment is needed to get back into the game, listening to oneself and one’s partner, time to dedicate to the newborn baby or girl, but also support from society and the world of work.
Today more than ever, because a new way of experiencing fatherhood and a more nurturing male also leads to the prevention of violence against women, greater gender equality and the dismantling of the many stereotypes that still surround male and female roles.
Fathers looking for space
As a dad, involved right from the start and in an egalitarian and empathetic manner in caring for children In short, a better society can be born: for this reason the European project “4E-Parent. Being fathers, taking care” (4e-parentproject.eu), coordinated by the Istituto Superiore di Sanità, is focusing precisely on four E’s of equal, empathethic, engaged and early. With interventions and solutions to encourage so-called “responsive fatherhood”.
Monica Castagnetti, educational psychologist at the Center for Child Health which is one of the main partner bodies of the project, explains: «Sometimes a little is enough. For example, to make the man participate in pre-birth meetings or check-ups at the pediatrician, it may be sufficient to change the time; to allow him to have time to interact with the baby, greater access to the maternity wards may be enough, so as to share the initial care with the mother. We understood this with the first Parent project, dedicated to changing the approach to fatherhood in the healthcare sector.”
Learning among “peers”
«Now we are extending the transformation of practices to nurseries, nursery schools and above all to companies, which remain the main place of life for many men» he continues. «Today there is mandatory 10-day paternity leave (it only affects employees and it is estimated that just over a third of new fathers require it, ed.), but in such a short period of time a father is not created. We need to build work environments in which men can also express their desire to experience fatherhood and better reconcile family and work, asking for time off or perhaps a part-time job.”
The 4E-Parent project aims to extend parental leave to the first years of the child’s life and to promote better use of the existing formula. Four companies of different sizes in Italy have joined it and are being “studied” in research in collaboration with the University of Turin and the Normale di Pisa, to understand how to improve welfare for new parents and above all to “clear” fatherhood in the workplace, so that it can be experienced without the stigma that has weighed and weighs on women. In Italy, especially in some situations, gender stereotypes die hard: the woman is left with the task of care and it is still he who “brings the bread home”if he chooses differently he becomes the “mammo”.
How to go from man to father
But the expectations of women and fathers are changing. Castagnetti says: «Many men want to be more present with their children, but we need to help them to achieve this: while the transition from woman to mother is expected to occur, for men there are no analogous social and cultural indicators of the paternal role. The project (with the support of the Cerchio degli Men and Maschile Plural associations, ed.) provides meetings with other fathers to talk about being parents in a masculine waybecause by listening and comparing with peers you can better understand what your own contribution to parenting could be.
Fathers should not be excluded
A space for relationships with their son or daughter from which many fathers often feel excluded, because the woman tends to occupy it entirely; many suffer because, especially in the first few months, they don’t feel needed. For this reason it is necessary to educate on co-parenting, otherwise there is a risk that she will take on too much of the role of care and relationship with the baby, feeling overwhelmed by it, while he does not know how to live it and always remains outside”.
Sharing parenting right from the start is good for everyone: to the baby, who has the right and need to be cared for by both parents; to the mother, who needs to rest, “switch off”, and to do so she can leave her son or daughter in the safe hands of the father; to man, because in this way he builds a strong bond with the child. «It’s not just about changing the diaper or giving a bath: the relationship counts, holding the little one in your arms, cuddling him, exchanging smiles» specifies the educational psychologist. «The empathy that the project aims to educate is fundamental because it means listening to the emotions, one’s own and that of others. And the same hormonal mechanisms that lead to attachment also apply to humans: giving him time to have a relationship with the baby means giving birth to a father earlier and better.”
Advantages for companies
A time that companies are starting to guarantee, because they understand how the well-being that comes from feeling like competent, capable, complete fathers also has positive repercussions on work; a time that men must ask for and women must give to their partners, because a male who cares is not violent and because gender equality is built by sharing care and domestic work.
A time which, as Castagnetti specifies, must also take into account little brothers or sisters: «The family is a balance that is built all together, in which everyone must re-orientate their gaze a little when there is a new born: therefore it is also necessary to reserve moments of exclusive relationships for firstborns, it is necessary to accompany them to welcome them” explains the educational psychologist.
«Your advice to new mothers and fathers? Never be afraid to tell your partner what you needbecause conflicts and difficulties often arise from not having shared inconveniences, needs, from not having listened to each other. Sometimes small gestures are enough to demonstrate that there are two of you: don’t expect to find dinner ready but order a take-away, go to the pediatrician together. Furthermore, we are talking about fathers, but reconciling and sharing roles in the couple is essential in all the nuances, “rainbow” and beyond, of parental relationships: they are both the ones who have to take care of the child even in homosexual couples, the same applies when the parents they are separate. Why each parent can and must give their own original and personal contribution in the relationship with a son or daughter” concludes Castagnetti.
Targeted actions
The European pilot project was born in 2019 Parent to promote gender equality through the involvement of fathers and prevent violence against women: in Italy, Portugal, Austria and Lithuania, the training of health workers has led to new practices of involving men starting from pregnancy. The project has expanded to nursery schools, nursery schools and companies. The first results of the interventions will be available by 2024. However, educational psychologist Monica Castagnetti underlines: «The important thing is to find the most effective solution with respect to the context: where there is a lack of nursery schools, it can work to offer employees a raise to pay for a babysitter, elsewhere perhaps it is more useful to open spaces for discussion, such as “circles of the fathers”».
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