Eva Breda: ‘Performing well does not mean that things are going well’ | Healthy

Yes, yes, we know now. Mental problems are taboo. Therapy is scary. Admitting that things aren’t going well. But is that the only reason that many people often wait (too) long before seeking psychological help? I spoke with a friend who has been through quite a bit: trauma, grief, instability. The whole strip card full. But she is strong. A go-getter. She functions. And how! A good job, a rich social life, a nice relationship, a sweet person, humor, sharp edges, scarred by life, but certainly not toxic. She has come out of that well, that turbulent past.

But sometimes I can’t help thinking: underneath all that happiness, isn’t there still a little girl who shouts out loud that she’s not doing so well at all and that she craves pity, understanding and processing? We know the so-called high functioning sociopaths, psychopaths and addicts. But is there such a thing as high functioning traumatized people?

Yes, that exists. GZ psychologist Gülsüm Öztürk specializes in the treatment of anxiety, trauma and personality problems. She sees it regularly in her own practice: people who apparently always went well, but whose psychological complaints were simmering beneath the surface. “Eventually, a trauma will come out,” says Gülsüm. “There are people with childhood trauma who think for years that they are not bothered by anything, until they become a mother themselves and that trauma is triggered.”

Suddenly a messy drawer can open that you didn’t even know existed for years. How is that possible? Gülsüm: ,,When you experience something drastic, your brain often goes into survival mode. For some it only lasts a short while, others can get stuck in it for years. The primary parts, which control the fight, flight, and freeze reaction, among other things, are then on full-time and can ensure that you continue with your life as if nothing is wrong. The secondary parts of our brain, which are responsible for analysis and reflection, among other things, are turned off. As a result, people are sometimes so preoccupied with surviving after a major event that they turn off their emotions and function well. But in reality they have no space to ask themselves: how am I really doing?”

Functioning well does not mean that things are going well. I can still see myself yelling so loudly that I didn’t need therapy because I thought ‘I wasn’t the type for that’. I just had a job, friends, fun, energy, rhythm in my life? Oddly enough, in the turbulence of everyday life, I barely realized I was throwing myself into a busy life for distraction, while an anxiety disorder and trauma festered like a wound on a numb limb. At the same time, we have a knack for encouraging this behavior by labeling people who effortlessly pick up after trauma or loss as ‘strong’ or ‘go-getters’.

But how do you discover that psychological problems may be simmering beneath the surface, if you think you’re just fine. According to Gülsüm, you then have to get more in touch with your feelings in order to break free from survival mode. “Do a body scan once a day”, she therefore advises. This is a process where you go through your whole body to feel how your body feels. Is your breathing high or low? Do you feel tension somewhere? This helps people get out of their heads and look honestly at how they actually feel. You can do that yourself, but I recommend the Insight Timer app, which offers very nice body scans.” It may seem nonsensical to check whether you still have sadness or pain, while you are functioning and happy. But what you clean up now, you don’t have to stumble later.