What started with experimenting with drugs grew into a serious addiction for Ester van Vugt (31) for many years. For years, GHB was the most important thing in her life. But four years ago she turned the tide and opted for a rehab program in a clinic herself. Now she shares her story with 140 thousand followers on TikTok. Something she never dared to dream of.
For seven years Ester van Vugt was addicted to the GHB she made in her own home. With a liter always at hand, she numbed herself hour after hour. GHB is a clear liquid and is often mixed with water. It provides a sedated, relaxed feeling and is very addictive. Did Esther not use for a while? Then her whole body shook. There was hardly any contact with her parents and friends. “I mainly wanted to be with users. That was easy. They didn’t like my addiction.”
“I sniffed Ritalin and pretended I was just going to school. My parents didn’t know anything.”
GHB was not her first addiction. At the age of sixteen, the Eindhoven girl experimented with drugs for the first time. “I was actually anti-drugs, but very curious about pills,” says Ester. “I tried it and I liked it.” She used more and more: from ketamine and cocaine to speed. “I sniffed Ritalin and pretended I was just going to school. My parents didn’t know anything. Eventually I ended up in rehab.”
There she kicked off, but it went wrong again. Ester: “I worked, but got a burnout. Then I started using GHB. I kept that up for years, until I decided it had to be different. I wanted to stop.” That did not go as hoped. “You have to wean off drugs, but I didn’t. I got a psychosis. When I came out of that, my parents had also put my dog to sleep. The world collapsed.”
But the will to kick the habit remained. “I was in debt and drove my car into a tree. I still signed up for rehab.” Once she got there, things got better. “The clinic felt safe.” That was four years ago now. Ester has been ‘clean’ ever since: she no longer uses drugs. “I feel better,” she says. Making TikTok videos helps her. “I have always been open, also about my addictions. On TikTok I tell about my addiction, about the trial and error.”
“You can go on your face and don’t be too hard on yourself.”
Sometimes she gets nasty reactions. “People call me junkie or say it’s my own fault. But I don’t care.” On the other hand, there are many beautiful messages. “Recently a girl sent me that she was going to rehab in a clinic. That’s what I do it for,” says Ester proudly.
She looks ahead with a cheerful look. She wants to pay off her debts and hopes to have her own house with her boyfriend. She is also taking a course to become an official experience expert. Ester: “Then I can help in a clinic, for example.” Through TikTok she wants to tell people what an addiction does to you. “Withdrawal from an addiction is intense. You can go on your face and don’t be too hard on yourself.”
Students Sam Matthijs and Jouke Weijs from the Fontys School of Journalism made a short documentary about Ester.
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