The ESC 2023 with comments from Jan and Olli – their best sayings about the live show from Liverpool.
“We’re trying to moderate the ESC in our very own way,” Jan Böhmermann and Olli Schulz introduce their live moderation at the ESC 2023. And they don’t really want to talk things through cynically – but anyone who knows the two knows that the hosts of “Fest & Flauschig” will of course not succeed.
ESC 2023: “Instead of ‘Fuck Russia’, the motto ‘United by Music’ has prevailed”
“Too many fragile boys on stage, they belong in the speaker’s booth!” The emotional ballads don’t exactly come off well with the new ESC commentators Jan Böhmermann and Olli Schulz. A few too many Lord of the Rings borrowings and costumes worn by the characters in mediocre Windows RPGs – that pretty much sums it up.
As a former stage builder, however, Olli Schulz has the greatest respect for the huge stage, and Böhmermann also comments appreciatively: “The wiring harness is thicker than in the Maybach from Haftbefehl.”
1. 🇦🇹 Austria | Teya & Salena – Who The Hell Is Edgar?
“Fantastic song. Exactly my thing,” says Olli. The two never tire of emphasizing that they are absolute fans of Teya & Salena. While the Onkelz will probably have to be sent for Germany next year in order to seize victory by force, the two can really root for this year. “They can be really proud.”
2. 🇵🇹 Portugal | Mimicat – Ai Coração
“Ay la cucaracha”, “Blue Curaçao” – they don’t really take “the emoji with the dancing woman in the red dress” seriously.
3. 🇨🇭 Switzerland | Remo ForrerWatergun
First open snacks, then really gossip: Jan can’t let Remo Forrer get away with singing “sonen song” about soldiers and weapons as a neutral Swiss. He “simply didn’t think about his own position”. And then a song text like ChatGPT.
4. 🇵🇱 Poland | Blanka – Solo
Jan sends greetings to Uncle Norbert, after all he has some relatives in our neighboring country. Both realize: That sounds a lot like “Coco Jamboo”. And they’re jealous of the daughter of a model and a businessman, who presents herself so well here. Instead, they hang out “up here where the ugly ones are.”
5. 🇷🇸 Serbia | Luke Black – Samo Mi Se Spava
Open brainstorming on the stage design: Is Luke Black lolling in a huge handkerchief? The Frodo look and Optimus Prime as well as “man’s liberation from Dyson” also irritate instead of inspire. “WYLD.”
6. 🇫🇷 France | La Zarra – Evidence
“Could it be that there is a horse under the dress?” Why not!
7. 🇨🇾 Cyprus | Andrew Lambrou – Break A Broken Heart
This is where it gets really emo: “the lure of the wolves!”, Andrew Lambrou feels it right, and barefoot too. So the H&M dressing room music fails badly.
8. 🇪🇸 Spain | Blanca Paloma—Eaea
“With the song we decided that sometimes we have to babble about it because we can’t stand it. Even if the song might not stick in your head, “Ola Paloma Blanca” definitely does.
9. 🇸🇪 Sweden | Loreen- Tattoo
Loreen celebrates her “wolf mom” image in her performance, both of them just don’t feel the song. And the stage show also fails: “Now a slice of salad, in, a little cheese and tartar sauce. Perfect sandwich.” And you can hear their disappointment after the voting, because in the end Loreen wins the race.
10. 🇦🇱 Albania | Albina & Familja Kelmendi – Duje
The family band makes the two of them dream: “Once on stage with the Böhmermanns”, that’s about it. Why not? “Entertainment talent is not evenly distributed.” The big shaman meeting in the multi-purpose hall in Essen.”
11. 🇮🇹 Italy | Marco Mengoni – Due Vite
Giovanni Zarella.
12. 🇪🇪 Estonia | Alika-Bridges
“The first time that a piano plays itself.” Apart from that, Olli and Jan are really enthusiastic about the grandiose voice.
13. 🇫🇮 Finland | Käärijä – Cha Cha Cha
Jan was so emotionally dimmed that this performance really annoys him now. The dancers’ “Human centipede part three” is irritating and “that’s a song, if it’s playing next door in the apartment, I would call the public order office.”
14. 🇨🇿 Czech Republic | Vesna – My Sister’s Crown
“Sounds like a B-side by Lena Meyer-Landrut to me, don’t catch it like that,” they prefer to comment on the Pombär package in front of them.
15. 🇦🇺 Australia| Voyager-Promise
Here the “costumes were bought from the carnival outfitter in Cologne”. Voyagers are Australia’s Menderes, amuses one Twitter user – to Olli he looks like the first guy in class to start hash.
16. 🇧🇪 Belgium | Gustav—Because Of You
Lisa Stansfield, Simply Red… but also Boy George. Gustaph’s influences do not go unnoticed by the two. And even if they certify him as a great singer, one silly comment should not be missing: A pack of nachos in each pant leg?
17. 🇦🇲 Armenia | Brunette—Future Lover
Most of the participants won from position 17, the two of them slyly down their knowledge. For once they didn’t talk about it during this performance, which Jan interpreted as Olli’s serious interest. “It wasn’t worth it,” he admits afterwards. He preferred to scan the internet meanwhile.
18. 🇲🇩 Moldova | Pasha Parfeni – Soarele şi Luna
“That was great” – at least Jan and Olli feel excellently entertained by horns, flute players and great theatrics. in fact, they completely tore up the performance, laughing lopsidedly at the flute player but refraining from joking about the short performer.
19. 🇺🇦 Ukraine | TVORCHI – Heart of Steel
“Internationally produced” is the brief comment on the Ukraine song. That probably means: Not bad, but it won’t be enough.
20. 🇳🇴 Norway | Alessandra—Queen of Kings
“A Marvel spin-off, for me it’s a no,” says Jan. Olli holds him back, the music fan also gives the song another chance early Sarah Connor,
21. 🇩🇪 Germany | Lord of the Lost—Blood & Glitter
“One cannot deny the self-confidence of the Germans. The anxious question: will the penis stay in it? “Jan and Olli are playing on the picture headline that singer Chris Harms’ outfit shows too much penis. “I didn’t think it was that bad at all,” sums up Olli. For Jan, however, the performance was shaky. “You can also have a city party on the biggest stage in the world,” he says – alluding to the guttural roar of “Liverpool!!!!”. “Smooth and bitter we go down!”
22. 🇱🇹 Lithuania | Monika Linkytė – Stay
Jan and Olli have no words for Lithuania – but instead they giggle without comment.
23. 🇮🇱 Israel | Noa KirelUnicorn
Perfect, but maybe too perfect? In any case, the Israeli contribution has great chances. “Fat, we say. Big show,” says Olli.
24. 🇸🇮 Slovenia | Joker Out – Carpe Diem
Getting the boy band concept out of Korea and transplanting it to Slovenia – but apparently the boys couldn’t really convince the two moderators.
25. 🇭🇷 Croatia | Let 3 – Mama ŠČ!
“There are no limits to creativity: unfortunately,” they joke during the initial clips. “What a stage show” is the conclusion when the Croatians’ creative show is over. And: “After fest comes off”.
26. 🇬🇧 United Kingdom | Mae Muller – I Wrote A Song
“I think it’s good that they didn’t submit their strongest song, that they don’t have to organize the ESC again next year.” A loud sigh of relief follows and an urgent question: “How does Peter Urban actually do it with urination?”
Performance of “Imagine”
“I’d like to babble on the song now, I don’t want to let that happen. Haven’t we learned anything from the pandemic? You look like someone who has spent four hours watching music they don’t like that much!”
They themselves admit that they may have talked a little too much about songs they “obviously hated.” Nevertheless, the moderation was more entertaining than that of Peter Urban – if you appreciate the humor of the two.