Barbara Stefanelli (photo by Carlo Furgeri Gilbert).
P.ensavo would not have happened, not to me. I found myself typing “the syndrome” during a trip on the subway, between the morning stops, trying to mislead the gaze of a student who was towering over me in centimeters and pride.
Google offered me a flurry of syndromes: “from Stockholm”, “from Stendhal”, “from the impostor”, “from Tourette”. And then here it is, in fifth place, mine. “The empty nest syndrome“:” This is the definition of that particular psychological state that affects parents when their children (because they get married or go to live alone) leave the house “.
The most clicked questions by users follow. In this case, the first is good. Is there a cure? Expert Response: This crisis – feeling of uncertainty, loss of sense, chronic sadness, almost mourning condition, anxiety, irritability, insomnia – it is overcome with a renewed investment in the couple, in socialization, in new hobbiestravel, reading, sport, etc.
There is a warning in bold: the Empty Nest Syndrome (nouns and adjectives have suddenly become capitalized, as if to say: since you’ve come to read this far, you must be in bad shape) “it is generally developed by those who do not work, have no interests of their ownconcentrates in an all-encompassing way on the parental role, leaving out its own individuality ».
Some clarifications are offered, such as that children in Italy leave their home “around 30 years of age”. And that the most suffering mothers and fathers “may have experienced a trauma of abandonment” or “have had overprotective parents.”
The accounts do not add up. I’ve always worked. I do not feel the thing about the hereditary defect, I have had balanced parents who have not forgotten or held me back. And then: if the national average is 30, 12 years of nursery school have been taken away from me.
Another link suggests 8 “encouraging and funny” quotes. Number 1 is from the Dalai Lama: “Give your loved ones wings to fly, roots to return and reasons to stay“. But we have played this sequence. We fought it right away: when Mangiagalli came out of maternity leave in Milan, we already saw her roots and her wings intertwine so that one day she could go, so that she would not fear the world or others or unexpected events or distances .
Everything went well, therefore, it was like having the most essential of wishes fulfilled. Sankalpa is the Sanskrit word that yoga masters propose in meditation: an idea that is formed in the mind to take up residence – and strength – in the heart, a purpose, an intention.
The student, the soaring one, has come to her stop. You correspond to a university that was mine. Coming down, she turns and smiles. Maybe she peeked, maybe she wants to be kind to my (ill-concealed) despondency. The advice of the specialized observers is to wait three months. If the “syndrome” does not go away, consult a specialist. Of old nests and, above all, new wings. Who goes, who stays.
How does it change (for the better?) the relationship with the children when they leave the house? Write to us [email protected]
All articles by Barbara Stefanelli
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