Money LappersEveryone makes mistakes from time to time with small or sometimes large financial consequences. In this series tell people about their monetary misstep. This week Elodie Blom (29) who helps her partner financially.
Why do you do that?
“I tend to spend money on my partner rather than on myself. What arises as a result is that I solve a lot for my partner financially. Education, rent, health insurance, telephone costs. With my ex this went up to 7500 euros. With my current partner, the counter is 25,000 euros.”
But that’s a lot of money!
“I’ve actually maintained it for the past two years.”
Why?
“He was still studying when I met him. My boyfriend is from Africa and is not entitled to anything in the Netherlands. A course costs 2000 euros per year for a Dutch person, but 10,000 euros for him. He does not receive benefits and for a long time he had difficulty finding work. I have my own business and it is going well financially. I love him and am inclined to play the helping role.”
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We have agreed that he will pay me back for his studies. So that’s a loan. But let’s face it; in the end not everything comes back
You do keep track of how much you paid for him.
,,Yes, because we have agreed together that he will repay his studies to me. So that’s a loan. But let’s face it; in the end, not everything comes back.”
Did your ex ever pay you back?
,,Part. That money wasn’t the reason he and I broke up, though, and he’s still very grateful to me. He would not have completed his education without me.”
And then you again choose a partner that you have to maintain.
“I had friends who were looking for a partner and they said, ‘It has to be someone who can support themselves, with a good job, with his affairs in order.’ Then I thought: How superficial! You go out with the one you fall in love with, right? I still think that, but now I also know that it is better if the financial differences are not huge. This creates a form of inequality. Not that I’m looking for a new partner though.”
Have you also committed a money launderer? A miss with small or sometimes large financial consequences and do you want to protect others from that with your story? Mail to [email protected].
How is your partner in this?
“It’s annoying for both of us. He also comes from a culture where not done is that the woman earns the money. And he does his best. I’ve seen him send out multiple applications every day and get rejected each time. And in the end I make the choice to support him.”
How do you deal with it?
,,He has had a job for a year and now pays for the rent and other bills. But I still earn more and let him pay back small amounts.”
What do you take from this?
“Money plays a bigger role in a relationship than I thought. And with my current partner I set clearer boundaries. If my ex needed new pants, I said: no problem. Now I first ask if it is really necessary and instead of buying 200 euros pants, I buy one from Zara for 40 euros. And I learned that it’s also about taking responsibility when possible. I will never get that 25,000 euros back in full, but I now have the confidence that I can build a future with this man.”
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