Andbe elderly. In the appendix of Fire to the soul (reprint Adelphi), entirely dedicated to the “years of cold passions”, Leonardo Sciascia replies to Domenico Porzio as follows: “With old age the number of friends shrinks, does not widen. We have few friends and very few with whom we get along completely. We have more passions, but they are cold passionsnot hot passions ».
The third age is not the last
In short, if the passions remain intact, it means that, when you are old, you stay young: that’s the trouble, Oscar Wilde would say. They would actually say so too the nearly fourteen million over 65s that they gave toItaly the primacy of the oldest country in Europe.
Including VIPs: from Gina Lollobrigida to Gianni Vattimo, their third age has been judged now for the accusations against their young assistants, as well as cohabitants, now for the strange banking movements. The casus belli is often her: lautonomy, claimed on all fronts, including economic ones.
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Protect yourself economically
That is what the men of the law call “circumvenability”: the condition of those who are vulnerable, therefore circumventable because they are mentally incapable, either due to old age, or due to illness. We live much more than in the past, we grow old even more alone: widowed, single, divorced, parent with distant or absent (only) child. And what happens more and more often it is being with a “support administrator”, someone who manages our accountneeds and desires, just when memory or physical independence betray us.
«What was once called a“ legal guardian ”and which prevented the elderly from making wills, donations, marriages today hardly exists anymore. In 2004 he was replaced by a figure who restored dignity to the person who appeared to have been canceled under guardianship. This is a revolution because each administrator’s management must be evaluated on a case-by-case basis. I am thinking of a person suffering from extreme “lavishness” or who spends too much money: in that case the prohibitions of protection may be necessary “, explains Paola Loddo, lawyer and co-author of The care and protection of the elderly (FrancoAngeli).
Seniors but not only
Marilena is fine but the survivor’s pension is being played between machines and lotto. Giulio has Alzheimer’s disease even if it is in the initial phase and his son Nico would like to protect him. Stefania’s neighbors have a mentally retarded daughter and a schizophrenic son who should be looked after. Cases like these, usually on the initiative of a relative, they arrive at the tutelary judge who analyzes reports and documents, hears the person in question and relatives, and finally appoints an administrator, usually a family member.
However, there is the case of Livia who has no relatives, wants to have an “umbrella” in old age, makes a private writing indicating the person who would like to take care of her, and sends it to the notary. «I have had many ladies like Livia who have looked for me after referring her friends as well as my clients. I followed a quadriplegic boy with a psychiatric mother who received a lot of money for winning the medical malpractice lawsuit. We would talk, I went to see them, if there was a need to change the wheelchair or house, or go on vacation, I helped them. I constantly update the judge of what I do and at the end of the year, income and expenses report. It is not the rich who need it most, sometimes there are those who do not know how to manage many practices. My compensation? In theory null but if there are large assets to manage between properties, securities and accounts, the judge decides on a fair compensation »continues Paola Loddo, based in Milan, where some of her colleagues have 40 such positions (and where 10 thousand procedures are open).
The support administrator
From the general direction of statistics and organizational analysis set up at the Ministry of Justice they are counted 300 thousand support administrations on average in a year. “He is a figure who finds himself alone to manage everything, the real disaster is when he is appointed by relatives who are in conflict with each other and hope that he will also resolve their quarrels. In these cases, the question can be submitted to the expertise of a geriatrician because the interest to be protected remains that of the elderly »concludes Loddo.
The issue, however, is often more complex than expected given that, in the defense of autonomy, there is also an elderly person, with his or her money, doing what he wants. “The psychological conflict between maintaining one’s independence and the awareness of” physical “deterioration can create imbalances on a psychopathological level with a consequent refusal of assistance and a stubborn and proud need to defend one’s freedom” specifies Franco Scapellato, geriatrician and psychotherapist at Pio Trivulzio Hotel in Milan.
“In today’s reality we are witnessing one dismemberment of intra-family relationships. In the absence of an efficient social network, it is normal to organize a level of assistance. What we should guarantee to the elderly is the maintenance of the role, that is, of the affective function and the emotional influence that the person has had in the family. The decline inevitably brings a sense of frustration, with the risk of depression. A first step then it would be to enhance the role of grandparents so that their “history” prepares us to transmit ours, a passage that I see increasingly weaker.
After so many years, I am still struck by their loneliness, often the result of absent children. In Totò seeks peace, two people decide to get married and become the target of relatives interested in their heritage. It’s an old movie but it looks like the daily news of my clinic. In planning your future you also need a healthy dose of luck “, he concludes.
Building a safety net
And a (lucky) version comes to us with Mariapia Veladiano, 61 years old, a son, author of Ora che sei qui (Guanda), a novel inspired by the story of a young woman who accompanied her sick aunt giving her peace of mind. “The fragility of the third age is tremendous especially when living with poverty or dementia. In Italy there are 1 million and 400 thousand people suffering from senile dementia. In my novel, around Aunt Camilla is her niece, a kind of support administrator who is involved in every choice without replacing herself. She doesn’t always happen. The goodness of family affections is not taken for granted, and the external administrator can be a good thing. It remains a difficult task because it requires listening and respect »explains Veladiano.
“Loneliness? I don’t think it’s a destiny, even for those who don’t have a large family. There are solutions such as cohousing to consider. I have friends who are building it for themselves even though they are still working and doing well. However, institutional planning is also needed. In such an elderly society, intermediate structures are needed between the personal home and the RSA, “protected residences” often unable to protect “he concludes.
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