Stress, frustration and sleepless nights: a cry baby can turn a parent’s life upside down. Pediatrician Ineke de Kruijff of the Sint-Antonius hospital spent ten years researching the effect of crying babies on parents. She discovered that mothers experience stress and anxiety when their baby cries a lot, but that fathers, in turn, are mainly stressed by the mothers. Her advice: not the babies themselves, but the parents should get help.
You obtained your doctorate on this subject on Thursday. Why did you research the effects of crying babies on parents?
,,I have been a pediatrician for twenty years and see many mothers with crying babies at my office hours. They often feel desperate and lonely. I wanted to know whether parents of crying babies experience more stress, anxiety and depression than parents of babies who don’t cry much. I was also curious about how they experience the bond with their child and about the role of fathers. I don’t often see them at my office hours, so I wondered: how are things going with that? Finally, I was interested in the link between psychological complaints in mothers and cry babies.”
What is a cry baby?
In 1954 a pediatrician, Dr. Wessel, introduced the definition of a cry baby: a baby who cries at least three days a week, for three hours a day for three weeks. As doctors, we think this is outdated and that is why we now speak of a cry baby if the parents of the child experience the crying as problematic. Crying babies cry long and loud, the crying often turning into screeching. A medical cause is found in less than 5 percent of these babies.”
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Mothers with a history of psychiatry such as depression or anxiety are more likely to have a baby with reflux symptoms
What did you discover about the effect of cry babies on parents?
“Mothers with cry babies experience stress, depressive symptoms and anxiety and have difficulty bonding with their baby. This is problematic because if you have trouble bonding properly, the symptoms worsen in both mothers and babies. The research shows that fathers experience the same complaints, but that the feelings of stress are not so much caused by the baby’s crying, but by the mother’s experience. In short: fathers of crying babies experience stress due to the stress of the mothers.”
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The GP and the health clinic should pay more attention to the parents of crying babies. Fathers should be actively asked how they are doing.
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What did you discover about the link between psychological complaints and crying babies?
Mothers with a history of psychiatry such as depression or anxiety are more likely to have a baby with reflux symptoms than mothers without psychological problems. There also appears to be a link between the bond they experience with their child and the extent to which the baby cries and experiences reflux symptoms. We can help these mothers by guiding them preventively, ie already during pregnancy. Think of explanations about what is normal and what deviant baby behavior is, but also help in the field of mother-child bonding. This can prevent complaints in the baby and give the mothers self-confidence.”
What else do you think needs to change in care for cry babies?
First, the taboo must be broken. Many parents are ashamed of not being able to comfort their child. If family, friends and neighbors know how hard it is for parents of cry babies, it makes a difference to the stress level of parents. Also from the GP and the health clinic more attention should be paid to parents of cry babies. Fathers should be actively asked how they are doing. Now it often takes a long time before parents can go to a pediatrician. They are often exhausted from not sleeping for months. If parents can see a doctor sooner, the medical sting can be removed and parents can get the help they need. Think of teaching comforting techniques and advice on how to strengthen the bond with their baby.”
What is your advice for parents with a cry baby?
“Tell those around you that you have a cry baby. Let your family, friends and employer know that you are having a hard time. Ask your doctor or your baby’s pediatrician for help. Do not keep it to yourself, because this increases the anxiety and stress for both yourself and your child. I am in favor of setting up local networks of care professionals where parents of crying babies can go. Search online for the right information, for example on the platform Help my baby is crying and on the Cyberpoli Cry Babies. I’m going to make a podcast about this topic myself this year, because I know I’m going to help thousands of parents with this.”
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