Ghosting is a term of Anglo-Saxon origin, used colloquially to describe the action of disappearing without a trace, as if it were a ghost.
This is a person who regularly maintains contact and communication with a partner, friend or another individual with whom they have a close relationship. It does this without any kind of warning or explanation. In Spanish, it is called a fantasmeo.
Said action usually occurs in the knowledge stage, when the other individual assumes that everything is going well in the relationship, and feels encouraged by the process and the level of communication. So, he perceives that attachment is increasing in such a way that everything suggests that he is entering a relationship level with emotional commitment. It is there where the subject disappears, loses contact and leaves emotionally.
It is not uncommon for people with these characteristics to re-establish some kind of contact with the abandoned person after a short time, through social networks, text messages or any other type of electronic messaging. This action is called zombieing.
His intention is to reestablish some kind of link. First, he does it with great intensity (if the other allows it) and then, when he feels sure that his victim fell into the trap again, he goes into bread crumbing mode, which translates as “breadcrumb”, that is. , little by little, intermittently, with promises or projects that obviously will never be fulfilled.
In general, in these cases, we are dealing with narcissistic personalities with different levels of pathology, but always within the broad spectrum of said psychic constitution.
What are they after with this behavior? Feeling valued, self-confident, and putting the other first in a trophy condition, and then leaving them in a victim position, since when the objective is achieved, the other person loses value.
We are talking about people who, in general, do not establish deep bonds with anyone other than themselves. Others come into your life, just to fill in the gaps in your inner world, while a surge of excitement is generated by being considered a “new toy” to stimulate yourself and feel satisfaction.
When that level of tension decreases, interest decreases, due to the exercise of reification that is made of the other and, then, without any remorse or guilt, they abandon the other / object. And so they decide to walk away without further ado, but always saving the last space of pleasure that leaves the other person in a state of bewilderment, confusion.
They often wonder what they did wrong, or feel guilty that they did something to make the ghost go away. The narcissistic subject keeps for himself the satisfaction of knowing that his last act is a direct attack on the self-esteem of the other being involved in the current non-link.
In short, they didn’t abandon you, you were just part of their game.
Lic Fernanda de Alva
Doctor in Clinic – Psychologist MN 17727
Psychoanalyst, specialized in brief therapies
Coach
Owner director of the consulting firm DF Consultoría
Writer and Speaker
Contact IG @lic.fernandadealva
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by CEDOC