cHow to react and especially manage emotions when a marriage ends? How to learn to move on, starting to adapt to a new life? “Whether a divorce was contentious or not, the conclusion of a marriage is never easy and even the most civil breakup can take a toll on sanity. Disorientation and loss often go hand in hand negative emotions are also added, between anger and shamethat you should live to start processing them,” he explains Carolina Traverso, psychologist and psychotherapist. But how to do it?
Divorce, how to manage the negative feelings of a growing phenomenon?
THE Istat data they leave no escape. If between 2021 and above all in 2022 the number of marriages increased, in the first nine months of 2022 Istat had marked a provisional +4.8%, it is also true that there has been an increase in divorces, about 25% more than in 2021marked above all in September with an increase of 135% compared to the same month of the previous year.
In all of this, it is therefore normal that frustration but also feelings of guilt and shame increase: “The sense of failure after the end of one’s marriage is among the most common, regardless of why the relationship ended. Also sadness and guilt are very present feelings. To which they are added later anger and bitterness if the relationship ended due to behaviors that hurt» explains the psychotherapist.
In this situation it is therefore normal not only to be stressed, but above all to be emotionally overwhelmed by their feelings. How to react then? “Starting to take care of yourselfis crucial”.
Divorce and emotions: live them to overcome them
“It’s good to know that when you’re dealing with a broken heart, it’s normal to go through ups and downs and live on some sort of emotional seesaw so one day you feel great, maybe even ready for a new relationship, and the next you find yourself suddenly crying and wondering what you could or should have done – or not done – to save the relationship. How to behave then? Give yourself time, experiencing the emotions «although it can be scary, it is important to allow yourself to feel all the feelings of this phase, because only in this way can they be elaborated».
As the expert explains, it takes time to heal psychologically from certain situations and pretending that everything is fine is not the ideal solution. In fact, the risk is that of making negative feelings settle that have not been coping which then result in anxiety and depression.
Taking care of yourself is essential
Start stable personal self-care is essential, we are in a moment of life in which we are emotionally fragile. In addition to understanding and living your emotions, you also need to indulge your needs a little more: «First of all by cultivating good habits how to sleep well, move, eat healthy and avoid excesses of intoxicants, which risk making us feel even more in disarray. But also taking their own spaces, when possible. If the need for solitude, silence and rest prevails, it is important to allow yourself them, without forgetting that even moments of leisure with friends, when we are in the right mood, have their importance in lightening the weight of difficult emotions”.
This is also the ideal time for get involved in something new: for example, starting a dance class that is always postponed, deepening the study of a shelved foreign language, enrolling in a pottery or yoga class. Dedicate yourself, as the expert explains, to something that at the same time it brings joy and which also helps to take control of one’s life, to give a sense of mastery.
The importance of asking for help
You should never underestimate the great power of asking friends or family for help. Having people who listen next to you, so as to mitigate the sense of loneliness and isolation you feel, but who also help your self-esteem at a time when it is at an all-time low is essential.
What if you feel like you can’t handle your emotions anymore? «In this case, mindfulness and a course of psychotherapy help a lot, precisely because they help not only to elaborate, without the fear of being judged and “weigh down” the other person, but also help to regain control over one’s life and to remain centered. In addition to allowing an elaboration of emotions, learning to manage them, which is also fundamental for future periods ».
And who has children?
«Those who have children will also have to focus on what is best for their well-being, remembering that they too are grappling with a destabilizing change and are worried about themselves, their parents, their future and what will become of the family.
So it’s good avoid getting caught up in emotion by crumbling the image of the ex, with whom you will in any case be co-parents for life, and try to maintain a collaborative structure as much as possible, also making use of a family mediator» concludes Carolina Traverso.
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