Dick (79) said he lived like a headless chicken for years. For a long time he was looking for his father’s affirmation, which he never got. When Dick had problems, he only discussed them with women. A men’s workshop turned his life upside down: “Men all have exactly the same problems as me, they just don’t talk about them,” he says in tears in a new episode of the podcast Op De Man Af.
Dick proves that you are never too old to learn. He has been working with a clear goal for about forty years. “Getting to know myself to bring out the best version of myself.” He does this by following various spiritual training courses. He does this in men’s groups, but also with his partner Wilhelmien, whom he met years ago when they both lived in Mierlo.
“Talking about feelings with men was
Yet opening up was not easy for Dick for a long time. “I lived like a headless chicken,” he tells journalists Eva de Schipper and Evie Hendriks in the Omroep Brabant podcast Towards the Man. “Talking about feelings with men was not done.” According to Wilhelmien, this is due to a certain male culture in our society where measuring is knowing.
“With men it is often about who has the biggest,” Dick adds. “The biggest house, the biggest car and the biggest income.” For that reason, Dick only spoke to women about his problems for a long time. Everything changed when he attended his first men’s workshop around the age of forty.
“That was a celebration of recognition. Then I discovered that all those men had exactly the same problems as me,” he says emotionally. Previously, Dick often felt lonely when he had a problem and, according to him, this was because men did not talk about feelings out of a sense of shame.
“It was never good enough, according to my father.”
In addition, Dick hears from many men that they never really felt seen by their fathers. “When I look at my own father, it was never good enough. Until I was 44, I did everything in my life to get positive affirmation from my father. It was only when I completely let go that I had the best bond with him.”
He does receive this confirmation from his beloved Wilhelmien and that does him good. The couple therefore gives Eva and Evie an important tip. “Keep complimenting each other so that you feel seen.”
Would you like to hear Dick’s whole story and that of a lot of other Brabant men? Listen to the podcast ‘Op de man af’ via your favorite podcast app. You’ll hear a new episode every Wednesday.
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