Cplow Esther,
How many times have I written to you, how many times I hoped you would answer me. And I wished I’d no longer have the desire or need to find myself here on a Wednesday afternoon in an August that even January has never been so long, writing to you.
Dear Ester, if you want, let’s start like this, as I have never been so pompous, nervous and recriminating in my writing as I am today.
Bad Relationships and Princess Charming
Since when are men doing the searching the blue princess (what an unfortunate expression!) that opens their hearts wide open, floods them with emotions, makes them feel three meters above the sky? While you, a woman, at just 24 years old have already understood that the PAQ is fine, and that shopping together is more romantic than a candlelit dinner by the sea.
And here’s my story: I know him on an app, young like me, handsome, successful in work and in life. An adventurous type, always on the go, and as verbose as ever in messages – to which he always replies with monstrous delay, but at least he replies.
All is well, mental and physical understanding, there is attraction, alignment of interests, and also similar plans for the future. I think everything is going well, we talk every day.
He doesn’t feel butterflies in his stomach
After a very nice evening spent together, we remain in agreement for the next day: tragedy. The next evening, as soon as I finished a dinner that he prepared for me with great care, at his house, he tells me that he doesn’t feel butterflies in his stomach, that I am beautiful, perfect from every point of view, but he would like to hear even more at the beginning of an acquaintance, because he tells me “I want to fall in love so badly” and therefore it is the case to move away and perhaps meet later starting again from the ‘friendship. He asks me to go further, because he would feel guilty putting me on standby (as if I weren’t also registered on the same dating app as him).
Bad Relationships: Why Kill a Beginning Like This?
But holy gods! We weren’t together, neither of us ever asked the other for renunciations of any kind, it was understood that he could date whoever he wanted at the same time as me, and so could I. What does he want then? Why not experience an acquaintance with more tranquility and crush it like this?
Dear Ester, if you don’t resolve this tangle, clarifying for me what is still unclear to me, I don’t know who could.
Always your faithful reader
L.
Ester Viola’s response
Dear L.,
And if I were able to solve it. Have a sabbath, distill the magic potion so as not to become attached to anyone other than good testing conditions.
Or maybe fall in love only with the ideal person. The word ideal translates as a measly: “reliable”. By reliable we mean: “one who must never leave”. The other discovery, around thirty: aiming low may not be enough.
Love invents its fears
Grow, and the vast program becomes much richer: try not to become bitter. Because over the years you realize that – apart from all the unexpected reserves of energy it provides – love also does the job of rust: it corrodes your ability to be at peace and lead a regular life. Love invents its fears. And it ruins itself.
Wait. Where are you going? I’m not done with the bad luck archive yet. Love doesn’t want someone who’s already in love. You only get what you ask for with indifference, even a very afflicted man wrote Pavese. Desire always turns towards what is most against it, I don’t know what sense it has, in the meantime it happens and we deal with it.
When love ends
And let’s not talk about when that love ends. Words are required to understand. Not satisfied with the reasons, which don’t even exist, we move on to looking for remedies: I’m suffering, heal me!
The pill would be needed.
Bad relationships? Don’t waste any more time
It’s ridiculous to go to extremes like that, I know. It’s just to tell you that In your place I wouldn’t spend too much time digging further into what someone wanted who decided they didn’t want me anymore. Being distracted is worth more than understanding, if I could go back and put something in the head of my twenty year old self, it would just be this. In addition to the omnipresent: study.
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