‘Dear people of the press’

Watching my angry colleagues at the press conference of Sigrid Kaag at home, I wondered in despair: when would they have been satisfied? Kaag had gone through the dust about ten times: sorry, apologies, if only I had et cetera. Her chairman also kept making a face as if he had just peed in his bed and now wanted to promise his grief-stricken parents a speedy recovery.

I think Kaag could have explained better: „Dear people of the press, I think it is completely justified that you are so angry. It is utterly disgraceful what I have done, it is almost as bad as what my ex-party member Frans van Drimmelen did to the victim. I offer everyone, the victim and the rest of the Dutch people, and therefore also the indignant editors of The Telegraph and de Volkskrantmy sincere apologies for my slack behavior.

“I have neglected my moral duty as leader of D66. I’ve made great mistakes and since very few people make such mistakes – nobody really, I understand – there’s only one step left for me: to leave. And so I do. I’m getting up! I leave! And with me the whole board! I hope you have your way now.”

After such a press conference, Wouter de Winther, political editor of De Telegraaf, would undoubtedly have stated: “We at De Telegraaf are not satisfied with this cowardly departure. Mrs. Kaag pretends to plead guilty, but the opposite is true. This is precisely a devious way of evading her responsibility. Shame! But we expected nothing else from her.

“My newspaper has always claimed that this person, this Kaagmens, is good for nothing. We intuitively sensed that she would ruin Dutch politics with her hypocritical moralism. Fortunately, Mr Wilders dares to take a strict approach to her in parliament, which is why we are happy to let him speak in exclusive interviews.

‘Yes, Mrs. Kaag should have stayed, if only to give us the opportunity to continue our smear campaign. It is only with this resignation that she has become completely unbelievable. Who should we aim our arrows at now? Ate Chick? Oh no?”

Then reporter Natalie Righton of de Volkskrant would take the aggrieved word: “I am very proud of my great scoop and I will not let anyone ruin my party, especially not by Mrs. Kaag. The reason that I constantly shouted through Mrs Kaag’s answers at the press conference is that she did not give my scoop enough credit. She was talking about a fuss in the press that was more important than the case itself. Ridiculous! How dare she! As if the press shouldn’t let us feel important!”

Perhaps then the victim can say the final word. She might be somewhat critical of those present and say: “I’m not very impressed with all the hustle and bustle here. You are now acting as if you are all so committed to me, but I have the feeling that everyone has their own agenda: the journalists who just want to be confirmed in their prejudice and Mrs Kaag and her chair who could have regretted a little earlier express. It would be to your credit if you would keep your mouth shut.”