You can work undisturbed in the library, thinks Thomas, who needs to write off his book.
Okay, deadline not met, but now I do know how to build a toilet in the forest. It never ceases to amaze me how my will has no influence whatsoever on what I do.
I had actually sat down in the library, because of the serenity and the hard-working students. I like the latter faking impressive. Mountains of textbooks, pens, markers and supreme concentration. Every laptop I passed showed a screen with chunks of text or math equations. If they have free wifi, they will study! Maybe all will be well with the world.
I sat down, opened my laptop, thinking I was going to be tapping my book really hard, when I thought: Sweden. That’s telling me, Sweden. Never been, hope nature – that’s where I would like to be now, in Sweden. In a log cabin. How much would that cost, a log cabin in Sweden? Google-google-google, well say, a log cabin in Sweden doesn’t cost an ass. And for no turd you also have a piece of land around it. In fact, a piece of land without a log cabin costs neither an ass nor a turd. Just nothing at all. You almost get money. You may not be anywhere, but you will soon be in Sweden.
And then I have to build my own log cabin. Hmm, YouTube: tutorial ‘build log cabin’. Hi, that’s a lot of work. No but really. Just take a year for it. Do I have to do incredibly hard work in all kinds of weather with all kinds of equipment, knowing that I’ve never made anything with my hands that wasn’t skewed and wrapped in crumpled tape.
Well, I’ll buy one at the garden center. Let’s see, Google Maps. Well, there’s one four hours away.
Going to the toilet is still a thing, without sewage and running water. The small message is no problem in a forest that stretches from the outskirts of Malmö to the port of Wladiwostok. But the large one, then you still want to be a bit shielded from the driving rain and arctic winds. Well, dig a hole in the ground, a beach house around it and a toilet roll next to it and Kees is ready. Maybe a Fashion Special from the magazine next door for the entertainment. What does YouTube say?
Instead of YouTube saying: ‘Get to work Van Luyn! The book has to be finished by Friday!’, twenty thousand mini-documentaries will be published about building safe and hygienic sanitary constructions. Men like to explain things, and when building something can be combined with shit and pee jokes, no man with a beard and a hammer misses that opportunity.
There were many things I hadn’t thought of. My toilet has to be 20 meters from my cabin, wind and downstream, there has to be light to find the place, and ventilation – but in such a way that no critters can enter. The hole in the ground must be more than three feet deep, and there must be a bucket with something to cover your operations, so to speak. That could be sand, sawdust, ash, or quicklime – the opinions of the bearded men differed greatly on this.
What they do agree on: make sure you have WiFi. So you can watch tutorials when you have to work.