Stand ask Marco Fagnani, 38 years old, who recently moved from Milan to Emilia Romagna, what does he do, he will tell you that he works as a freelance in the theatre. But what about his wife that she is employed all day in a clothing store she has more time at her disposal and spends it at home, taking care of the childrenhousework, shopping, cooking.
Dad at home: from mom to babysitter
«I am one of those who today they are called stay-at-home dad, I have two children, 10 and 7 years old, and I have always taken care of them. I have often taken them with me during rehearsals in the theatre, hearing everything from “mammo” to babysitter. There was even a pediatrician, who we then changed, who spoke directly to my son, saying: then you have to tell your mother that you have to take this medicine.
And that’s when I thought about opening an Instagram account, called Dad_days, to share my parenting experiences with other fathersopenly discuss any topic, simply, without wanting to teach anyone anything, from the type of diaper that doesn’t give you bubbles to how to react if you’re treated badly as a teenager”.
New dads at home want to take care of their children and it is only right that there is the possibility for them too (Pixabay)
Things are changing
Marco is not a beacon in the fog. Of course, say that in Italy there are many like him it would not be correct, but things are changing. According to the latest edition of the Istat survey “The life of women and men in Europe”, carried out in 2020, there is a trend towards less asymmetry between men and women, although not so much as regards housework, but with respect to childcare activities.
Mothers still remain the most engaged in physical care and in surveillance (on an average weekly day they dedicate 57 minutes to it, against 20 for fathers), but fathers play more with children (with an average of 26 minutes a day for men against 22 for mothers).
The pandemic leads to a turning point
To act as a watershed, to push the accelerator on change, it was the pandemic and the consequent smart working. In 2019, before Covid, there were 570 thousand so-called agile workers, while at the beginning of 2022 they became between four and five million. The Institute for Paternity Studieswhich has been monitoring the evolution of the paternal figure in our country for over thirty years, has carried out a sociological survey, Paternity and smart working, conducted between 2020 and 2021 on a sample of fathers from various Italian regions (ispitalia .org ).
«It seemed right to verify – explains the president Maurizio Quilici – if and how this new way of working affected the family relationship but above all the relationship between father and children, because the father par excellence has always been the one outside, away from the family and the fact that the lockdown forced him instead to work in the family environment opened up some very interesting reflections and perspectives.
Many fatherswho were previously secondary figures due to their low attendance, they have become reference figures for the children. Today’s fathers are still lacking, as can be seen from the survey, in terms of domestic work, which is carried out by mothers for 70-75 percent. But even this aspect has improved».
Dad at home: lost time doesn’t come back
There have been then so many things that men have learned, even with pleasure in this particular time, and which will remain forever. And there are those who didn’t need Covid to take this path, like Diego Di Franco, 42 years old, Neapolitan who lives and works in Milan as a content creator.
After the success of his Facebook page, he opened a blog in 2015, then landed on Instagram, TikTok and has recently published The wonderful world of dads: my life as a stay-athome dad. He carries out his profession at home, which allows him to be the parent of two children and a husband who loves to contribute to the well-being of his loved ones. «Every morning – he says – I do a mental check-up of what I have to do: feed them, make clothes, fight with Eva because she doesn’t like the clothes I chosechecking that Enrico has put the right things in his backpack, preparing a snack for Enrico, preparing the bag with spare clothes for Eva, arguing with Eva because she doesn’t like the spare clothes I have chosen, bringing them to school on time without that the school workers look at me badly…».
Change perspective
And that’s just the beginning of the day, the chapter of the book he entitled “Who said that the morning has gold in its mouth? But, in the end she knows hers wasn’t a superhero choice. «With my first child I still had a full-time job, then I was transferred to Milan, and it was very difficult to see them. Then Eva arrived and things changed, I realized that I had missed many beautiful moments of Enrico’s growth, and I didn’t want to repeat the same mistake, because time lost is time that nobody gives you back. I wanted to be a quality father and I chose to do it».
Dad at home, they are not so few
Exploring the world of social media, just type “stay at home dad” to find a myriad of stories similar to Diego’s. Feedspot has even selected the thirty best blogs and websites. It turns out that there are even supplements designed to support all stages of fatherhood (dadpack.com) and that the American program The Bethenny Show launched a huge following race between stay-at-home dads vs. momsin which men and women compete over who is the best at home.
And moms are really prickly. After all, the men who make this lifestyle choice they are often mocked, almost insulted, by the women themselves: the phrase “but don’t you feel less of a man?” is one of the kindest they hear. The BBC made the service The stigma of the stay-at-home-dad pointing the finger at the legislations that do not support this choice.
Perfect homeware courses
«With smart working I had started to spend more time with my children – says Corrado Pini, 52, an employee at a publishing house – it was something I really liked. I entertained them, assisted them in their studies, accompanied them to volleyball, to dance lessonsWe went to the cinema together. But then my company no longer allowed me to work from home and now I’m seriously thinking about an alternative to reduce my working time or resign and work from home. Also to the delight of my wife, who finds everything ready when she comes back from work. Also, not to brag, I’m a really good cook, even if I leave the kitchen a mess and she takes care of tidying it up».
But it’s never too late to learn that too. Just follow the coursesHousehold Men Association which when it was born, in 2003, had three members and today it has seven thousand. «Contrary to what one might think – explains the president Fiorenzo Bresciani – our members are mainly young people, single or in couples, often with children, who want to learn how to take care of their own homes. Among the most popular courses are those of Stirology, to learn how to iron perfectly and Epistemology of Clean, dedicated to laundry. Because, let’s face it, many are university graduates, but they don’t even know how to iron a shirt or attach a button».
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