You don’t have to say so much about the escort, do you? Anyone who was able to stay in a good mood and optimistic mood this year can really be envied (or better: incapacitated).
The bad mood is amplified by the notorious “doom scrolling”: Algorithms spread bad news more than good – and so the media and social media actors produce little else reflexively (or quite consciously). Well, thanks.
So I would like to apologize in advance to you and your family, dear readers, for the fact that this text also starts with just such a negative premise.
However, I simply HAVE to write the year of doom off my soul (or for all non-religious people: off the hard drive), forgive me. And I promise I’ll use my humble comedy skills to make it all sound at least a little wacky and funny, not just dark.
If this column still pulls you down, I would be happy to invite you to this year’s New Year’s Eve ball at home, which is guaranteed to make you smile (#DinnerForOne, #OttoDerFilm, #Lachgas).
If the way there is too far (5th floor, no elevator), please refer to my annual charts 2022 again. There are no bad vibes there – but now here …
01. Dawn of narcissists: how Fynn sank
The musician and hipster plumber Fynn Kliemann and his savior aura have suffered badly this year. Research by Böhmermann’s Royale magazine (the Wallraff team for us young people with an Instagram account) brought to light a toolbox full of disgusting things: fraudulent labels and enrichment in mask deals, for which “Uns Kliemann” was once celebrated as an omnipotent benefactor. Crisis can also suck.
Steep (boomer) thesis on my part: All people who, like him, try to siphon off their followers with this eye roll product NTF belong in prison. If I should do some real digi artists an injustice: Sorry! I’m sending you a file to jail. As a unique, certified JPG, of course.
02. All is lost: How Kanye West cracked up
The long-standing behavioral problem Kanye West (now Ye) threw himself this year. His coming out as suffering from a dissociative personality disorder was finally able to curb the horror and malice about his actions. Shouldn’t one spare pity for a multimillionaire who is losing control? Well, why not, but instead of Kanye getting help, he took to Twitter to let his troubles flow freely and unfiltered, which is probably what he thinks too. The resulting anti-Semitic tweets led to a rift with partners such as Adidas, the sports provider Peloton is deleting online courses that used its songs as background music. The visit to one of the beacons of US conspiracy theories, the podcast “Infowars” by Alex Jones, was only semi-well received by the non-crazy part of his fan base. The statements made there continued to pour spray chair into the “discourse”. Kanye West is quoted as saying that Adolf Hitler not only invented the autobahn, but also the microphone that he would use as a musician.
Interesting, most people only know Hitler as a painter (watercolor), lover (Eva) and dog lover (Blondie). The fact that the jack of all trades has also excelled in audio technology comes as a bit of a surprise. What is certain, however, is that Kim Kardashian’s ex-husband will never be able to recover from his time-consuming self-dismantling. It’s a pity, but in the hip-hop section of the record shelf of the 1920s, that’s easy to get over.
03. Festival-Fuck-Up: How Woodstock ’99 burns again
Very few people in this country knew how corrupt and toxic the mega festival Woodstock must have been in the USA in 1999. The Netflix documentary “Trainwreck” made us take a close look this year. Well, thanks. A ghost train with a Limp Bizkit soundtrack.
04. trouble spot: how countless concerts went under
Just hidden here as point four so as not to give the number even more power than it already had this year: The comeback of live music after the Corona hole came in 2022 for the smaller acts up to the middle ranks of the music scene a terrible disaster. Finally playing in front of an audience again, that was possible, but it didn’t happen at many shows. Due to a lack of ticket sales, even established acts such as Tocotronic, Turbostaat, Jupiter Jones and many other concerts had to be cancelled. Drop out instead of Sold Out. The reasons are complex and the hope remains that this dent, which endangers the existence of the band, can be overcome again next year. So here’s a very unironical appeal: give away concert tickets for Christmas. Sure, grandma may not be 100% happy about tickets for Siberian Meat Grinder, Cannibal Corpse or Mia Morgan, but the scratchy scarf she knitted last year wasn’t that pretty either. In this respect: Use the presale (not only) as a Christmas present, a whole section of bands and small to medium-sized shops has never been so dependent on us.
05. What crisis? How superstars distorted perception
The perfidy of 2022, of course: Above all, huge events (Ed Sheeran, Kendrick Lamar or Rock Am Ring) went splendidly and plunged all the indies, who desperately had to motivate every spectator with TikTok dances for the guest list, only deeper into the Frustration. Instagram and similar showed full stadiums and halls to those who stayed at home. Everyone who still had the huts full was more than granted this, but of course it distorted the perception of this decade’s dilemma in pop.
06 What crisis? Small reprise
Those affected also sometimes contributed to the fact that the collapsed ticket sales became visible very late. For fear of a loss of image, the cancellations are often conspired – and concerts are then canceled “for production reasons” or something similar. This camouflage tactic does not exactly promote the much-needed awareness of the problem.
07. Crisis intensifier: How Wendler and Co. help ignite
For me, everything that is bad about men and pop culminates in the persona of Michael “Der” Wendler. The dreary Trump supporter already left for Absurdistan in 2020, announced on RTL because the station was under the control of Merkel and Bill Gates. This year, the full-time rebel not only fueled conspiracy theories about Corona with his Telegram channel, but also diligently reposted AfD tweets and anti-Semitic hyper shit from Attila Hildmann. In addition, every third posting is advertising for Prepper paraphernalia from the pseudo-scientific, right-wing esoteric Kopp publishing house. Panic and panic buying bring such disinfluencers commission. Ray of hope 2022: Since Trump lost (read: stolen) the election, the unpleasant pop otter has lost 50,000 followers on Telegram and only has a little more than a hundred thousand interested parties. If “Der Wendler” ever plays concerts in Germany again, I’ll hold vigils against it. Join me, I’ll also bring cans of beer and blankets.
08. Schlager goulash: How “Layla” made the world a little worse
Speaking of hits for lateral thinkers or chauvinistic bird faces. Do you remember “Layla”? Exactly, 2022 also missed this kick in the ass. I spent an entire column trying to distract from this messed up piece of rancid penis music. Where is my Federal Cross of Merit, Olaf Scholz?!
09. Amazing Grace: How mavericks plague inner cities
And again Corona deniers in this list of horror. Now it’s getting personal, folks!
I live above the pedestrian zone of a western German city (5th floor, you remember). Unfortunately, this year the critics of solidarity, logic and reason didn’t shy away from holding stationary demonstrations here again and again. Which in my case means nothing more than that complete brains with amplifiers and speakers do almost three hours (!) roaring loudly bad rubber cell program. What is there to see and hear there? A kind of amateur performances by right-wing Telegram channels and random madness. A white person actually wails “Amazing Grace” with background music because she and the lost bunch of about 30 creeps are so oppressed in the “Corona dictatorship”. However, the fact that they are accompanied and shielded by the police does not appear to be a contradiction. Then a woman reads poems from Upper Silesia, because this “part of Germany” should not be forgotten. At this point at the latest I bite into the tabletop.
10. Serial frustration: How large series put you to sleep
How awesome were all these new seasons of the big blockbuster motifs of modern times in 2022?
In 2019, The Mandalorian saw the Star Wars universe reborn in the popular series format. But after “The Book Of Boba Fett”, “Obi Wan Kenobi” and this year’s flop “Andor” (supposedly totally good, but I gave up after four episodes) there is hardly anything left of the hype. Too many taciturn outsiders who space shuttle from A to B and back again and whose stenciled stories are becoming increasingly cold. Storyboards like bad “Tim & Struppi” episodes: someone is kidnapped, rescued again, kidnapped again and in between a bit of piff paff and a change of scene. So you can pack yourself with prominent fabrics. Oh, and speaking of a popular, yawning franchise, there was also that incredibly pompous series, The Lord of the Rings: The Rings of Power. Congratulations to all who got around this troubled sleeper ride through Middle-earth.
With the fourth season, “Stranger Things” was able to get its own hype shrilling again in the media, but in terms of content it dealt with nothing more than lengthy self-quotation that was exhausted in formalism.
11. Finitude: How can dying not drag you down?
Can’t Grim Reaper swap the scythe for less dangerous garden tools for a year? Let’s just take Depeche Mode: In May, founding member and DM joker Andrew Fletcher died unexpectedly. A new album by the band is now on the books for next year as a duo. If that doesn’t hurt, then you never loved “Enjoy The Silence”! And otherwise, the 2022 obituary has listed countless prominent names. I denounce that.
12. Qatar: How bad this World Cup sounded
The official soccer World Cup song is titled “Hayya Hayya (Better Together)”. Didn’t you know until now? This is probably not even due to this piece of interchangeable utility pop, but to the fact that hardly anyone was in the mood for this unspeakable Qatar Winter World Cup in the air-conditioned stadiums. Okay, the former Vice President of the European Parliament Eva Kaili probably still had the song in her official Spotify playlist.
13. Brass Against: Like last year even the scandals were better
By the way, my absolute favorite scandal last year was when the Brass Against singer peed on a fan on stage. Typical 2022 that this doom-monkey couldn’t even manage a single nice, urine-soaked footnote. Well then, see you!
What happened until now? Here is an overview of all pop column texts.
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