The waiting lists for couples counselors have been getting longer and longer since the corona pandemic:
“Demand has increased by around 20 to 25 percent,” reports Thomas Herzog, head of the Berlin Open Door facility.
“There is tremendous pressure in the boiler. The consequences of the pandemic are not yet foreseeable and there is still a lot to come for couples counseling,” the psychotherapist is convinced.
The Open Door Berlin in Charlottenburg offers advice and life support on a donation basis.
“It has become more,” says Diana Boettcher, couples therapist in Prenzlauer Berg. The majority of her clients are young parents with children of kindergarten and primary school age, for whom everyday life in the pandemic is often an even greater challenge.
“Couples with children are disproportionately burdened,” observes family therapist Elisabeth Schleert from pro familia.
“But even for couples without children and without stress, it can be stressful to be left to their own devices and isolated,” says Boettcher, referring to the restrictions caused by the pandemic.
“The skin has become thinner, the sensitivities are greater,” says Thomas Herzog. The resources that would have been sufficient to maintain partnerships in the past two years have now been used up by some couples.
Many people are extremely challenged in different areas of life. “Constantly changing corona measures such as home office, home schooling or unclear closure and quarantine rules require repeated adjustments and repeated coordination as a couple,” says the consultant.
In addition, the opportunities to recharge your batteries outside of the relationship, to cultivate friendships or to do sports or pursue hobbies as a compensation are still limited.
This exacerbates the already tense situation for those affected.
Other people, on the other hand, would have had the opportunity to break out of the everyday hamster wheel, to pause and focus more on themselves.
This made it clear to some that they no longer want to continue as before, explains Herzog. The term “corona clarity”, which actually comes from the world of work, can also be applied to relationships: “We can’t go on like this as a couple anymore.”
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The couple problems are not fundamentally new. It would continue to be about fundamental questions such as “How can we stay together?” or “What still connects us?”.
“Feelings of insult and lack of recognition by the partner, deep insecurities due to affairs or strokes of fate are also reasons for starting couples counseling,” he reports.
Many conflicts were already there before Corona. But it was only the pandemic that made it acutely unavoidable.
Elisabeth Schleert also reports on completely new problems: “It’s often about the question of how to create retreats in an apartment.” Tensions often arise due to cramped conditions and the large amount of time that families suddenly spend together.
In addition to practical solutions, the insight that the problems also have external causes is often a relief. Because some couples tend to locate the problems only between themselves.
Due to school and daycare closures, the new distribution of work within the family often harbors potential for conflict.
“For women in particular, it leads to dissatisfaction and disappointment and also to a lot of stress when more of this care work ends up with them.”
According to Diana Boettcher, the chances of finding each other again are good if both partners get involved in the therapy process. But the therapy can also help couples who are about to separate.
“You can then often let go better and have a more positive image of the other person. When children are involved, it is usually easier for parents to continue the team spirit,” says Boettcher.